M y parents named me Walter Stanislav Cieplik Jr. and I’m not quite sure how I got old. Well. Let’s just say, approaching middle age. I was named after my

DEAREST PRESIDENT XI JINPING — Top of the morning to you, amigo. Howzithanging? Representing the citizens of the riparian and gentrified community of SClarita, California, home to braindead yuppies without

It is beyond wearying trying to keep up with the shenanigans of the politicians and bureaucrats without number that plague the American landscape. I just spent several hours trying to

I just recently discovered that the correct term is “Daylight Saving” (singular) — NOT — “Daylight Savings” (plural). It matters little to me. I no longer wear a watch because my

I’ve been haunted most of this week. Halloween was Tuesday and just driving through Newhall’s Happy Valley brought back memories. I think my daughter was in third grade. She was,

More often than not, this poor, put-upon saintly newspaper is on the receiving end of calls for my perfectly formed head. In high-pitched, nasally voices — better suited for local

Eons ago, I worked for the comedy icon Norman Lear as Useless Corporate Ant No. 14,487, crunching numbers. What struck me about the billionaire was his office. It was completely

The other night, I was dining with friends and fellow members of The Worthless Sons & Daughters of the Wealthy Landowners, Santa Clarita-Velveeta Chapter. Among our cowboy hat crowd, the

One of my favorite eye-rolling statements from the wonderful folk at Fox News goes something like this: “The American people are too smart to stand for this!” Uncannily, Republican elected

There are things one can do as king that one cannot accomplish as congressman. Even with relatively absolute power, the intricacies of human nature appear to thwart the most altruistic