On a subject like genius, you’d think there’d be agreement about how many kinds of intelligence exist. Experts argue, claiming there’s between four and 12 categories. It begs the question — is there an infinite amount of phyla for dummies?
One of Life’s great mysteries for me is how so many can own a house, raise a family, have a career, yet, are so dumb, it’s a miracle they make it from driveway to front door without being eaten by feral hamsters. Yet? They (the dummies, not the hamsters) can offer wisdom, can share, with alacrity, their own shortcomings, humility and valuable lessons learned from failure.
When it comes to politics, that all goes out the window.
It’s like having a child who, from K-to-college, gets straight A’s — except in one subject. They keep flunking North Dakota history. More maddening? Every semester, they get an A in — South Dakota history. You ask the kid: “Why can’t you apply the same study to North Dakota history that you do for South Dakota history?”
Their answer? Even more discombobulating. They deny they flunked the history of America’s 39th state. Ever. With the report card accusingly staring at them. Snarkily, they chuckle. Angry, they accuse: “YOU’RE the one who flunked North Whatchamacallit history!”
Stupidity will be with us until Earth melts into its own death star and implodes to the size of a BB. Civilization’s story is part enlightenment, part the staggering tonnage of complete Boobosauri who end up leading nations and basking in positions of power — politics, media, entertainment — education.
I’m sounding like an elitist. I’m more of a stupidist. A stupidist is like a racist, except we don’t judge someone based on their ethnicity. We evaluate them on their brain noodle. Or, lack thereof.
You can sport a nosebleed-altitude IQ and still be a dummy. You can have enough diplomas, degrees and plaques to paper a Buc-ee’s public restroom and still be a dolt. Your curriculum vitae as a chronic rake stepper-on-er can be legend. Ignoring the obvious, millions will still send you moolah to continue your life’s mission, be that as Royal Hand In The Cookie Jar, High-Holy A-Bomb Launcher or Electronic Megaphone Sucking Street Imbecile.
Kamala Harris blew nearly $1.5 billion in 15 weeks, running for president. She’s the Empress With No Clothes, spewing out giggles and nonsensical speeches that brought the insane asylum’s dusty psychological term — Word Salad — into popular American jargon. There’s nothing political here. Harris’ resume reads like the sound effects of a 3-year-old making broken muffler noises while playing with a toy race car. It’s true if she were a Republican, Democrat, Whig or second lieutenant for The Borg. Consistently, her staff flees screaming, leaving a trail of gossip tidbits for the covers of Knucklehead Illustrated Weekly.
She’s running for president. Again. Harris has the brains of a sock puppet.
Yet?
People — throw — money at her. With sheepish grins, they urge, “Here. Kamala. Take my money. Please. Stay in some nice hotels, fly around, buy some booze, have a few steaks on us and keep wedging those Ross Dress For Less orthopedic pumps in your mouth. We’ve a country to save and you’re just the giggly gal to do it!!”
Topping Ms. Harris’ popularity as our potential next president is another preening village idiot, Bronx congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. It’s America. Through ability or stubbornness, one gets to be an idiot. AOC is leading in the polls right now as 2028’s Democratic presidential frontrunner. Two words. In. Sane. Granted. It’s way early. But, how profoundly dumb must one be to passionately support a potential leader of the Free World whose only talent is having a (D) after her name, blending an iced venti breve latte and shaking her fetching bootie while doing the Dance Of The Morons on a rooftop?
What’s wrong with — us?
Bolstered by much of their national party, Maine Democrats nominated the Guy With The Nazi Tattoo as their Senate candidate. After barely averting a major train wreck, Reason visited. The Dems nobly asked, “Geez. Think maybe that’s too many sexual assaults to win the November election?”
You’ve got people, running for office, who openly declare their intent to eliminate cops, borders, private property, jails, the plastic straw, working people and Western Civilization. Democratic Socialists could throw in, “… Get Rid Of Pants And Underwear” and there’d still be that one Karen, standing on McBean & Valencia, bouncing a cardboard sign, asking, “What ARE You People With Pants Hiding?!?!”
Being nuts has no end. There are people who’d sign a petition and donate money to elect someone who’d promise to outlaw pants and underwear.
This worship of stupidity in our daily lives is growing. Enraptured, we watch endless videos of stupid people being interviewed by stupid people, postulating that stupidity, after all, may not be such a bad idea. The segment will end with the guest sheepishly confessing they’re in the midst of writing a book on their struggle. It’ll sell a million copies. No one will read it. Why? Most, today, can’t read beyond meme-level. Why do we tolerate fools? Is it that we’re fools ourselves and swear fidelity to the Cause Ignoramus?
Karl Marx was right about just the one thing. Life — is — a class struggle. Cops protect cops. Journalists protect journalists. Teachers protect teachers, doctors, lawyers, Indian chiefs, Cape buffalos, the list goes on, all the way down the stairway to perdition to fools protecting fools.
How can so many millions of Americans muster the smarts to not stick their tongue into a hot toaster and, yet, gleefully cheer on a booger-eating moron as if they were Aristotle, Thomas Merton, Marcus Aurelius and John Locke?
They’re the same people who’ll confidently assure you — with rock solid certainty — that Aris, Tom, Marc and Johnny are all current citizens of North Dakota …
Pick up “Naked Came the Novelist,” John Boston’s sequel to the international bestseller, “Naked Came the Sasquatch,” at JohnBoston-Books.com. A lifelong SCV resident with 119 major writing awards and nearly 12,000 columns, Boston is Earth history’s most prolific humorist and satirist.
