By David Hegg
Every year, our church employs an outside auditing firm to scrutinize our financial practices. We do so because we intend to handle the charitable donations of our church family in a way that is above reproach. Our auditors perform a crucial service when their team arrives, takes over our conference room, and reviews all our records, looking for mistakes and discrepancies. That’s what auditors do. They look for transgressions, fraud, lack of proper oversight, and anything else not up to GAAP … generally accepted accounting principles.
In business, auditors are essential and highly valued. They point out areas where risk is hiding just around the corner, so we can prevent it from causing real problems.
But when it comes to regular human interaction, those who constantly point out what they find objectionable make the world miserable for the rest of us. You know who you are!
You self-identify as everyone’s auditor, always ready to point out how we have failed to live up to your opinion of what is right and best. And all the while you fail to realize just how hard you are to live with, and how petty your criticism makes you look.
We’ve all had extensive experience with this kind of auditor, as they infiltrate every group. You have auditors in the office who ensure that everyone is aware when something is done incorrectly. We have them in the church, in the schools, and on the athletic fields. We have them in our families, our clubs, and our neighborhoods. And, apparently, our political parties recruit them by the dozens from what I’ve seen.
So, what makes an auditor stop being a nice, courteous, and friendly person and become their own attack dog? Here’s what I think.
Most auditors believe life has dealt them a raw deal. They feel they should have achieved more success, garnered more power and been granted more respect. Somewhere, in every auditor’s life, they genuinely believe they have been cheated, held back, or passed over. As a result, they are out to prove to everyone they know that they know more and are better than people think. And so, they go on the offensive, offering strong opinions on everything, critiquing everyone and making sure their voice is heard everywhere.
Auditors also have very thin skin. They are easily offended by almost everything. Their bitterness makes them emotionally sunburned, and any time one of their pet peeves gets touched or tormented, they can’t help themselves. They become monumentally offended and make sure everyone knows about it, even though the offense can usually be traced back to their selfishly narrow perspective on the issue.
In business, auditors play a crucial role, bringing a necessary level of accountability to vital areas of commerce. And the same can be said for those who properly hold us accountable in our relationships and friendships. However, to do so, relational “auditors” must first consider how to protect or restore courtesy and civility rather than create resentment. Constructive criticism must actually be constructive, both in its message and the manner in which it is offered. Functional correction must come with respect, humility, and a desire to strengthen rather than tear down; it requires understanding fully before unleashing condemnation.
We all need auditors who care about us enough to tell us where our lives are leaking. But, if you’re like me, you’ve no time for those who treat their friends and leaders as punching bags to gain a misguided sense of superiority. Most often, their outrage stems not from an actual transgression but from their own bitterness and jealousy.
Truthfully, none of us should act the part of an outraged auditor. When you see big problems in a life you care about, arm yourself with humility, respect and care. Get all the facts before launching the conversation with “help me understand …” Then listen, be kind and strive to help in a way that is understood and appreciated.
Last of all, when you see little things, little unintended offenses, flush them away before they tempt you to act poorly. Learn to forgive and forget, and by doing so, forge a stronger friendship. After all, we were meant to live in relationship, and those who insist on auditing the rest of us out of their own bitterness will never come to know how good life can be.
Local resident David Hegg is senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church. “Ethically Speaking” appears Sundays.
