Recently, I heard it said that anatomically, there’s an average of 18 inches between someone’s brain and their heart. In my consulting experience, that short distance can make a world of difference in a person’s interpersonal skills and emotional maturity.
Three specific examples come to mind that are currently on my heart (pun intended):
The Doctorates
A while back, our consulting firm was asked to work with the human resources department of a major educational institution. Our scope of work was clear: improve the overall level of interpersonal effectiveness within a team of 24 individuals.
After completing our initial consultations and interviews, we concluded that the root of the problem did not lie with the frontline staff. Instead, the responsibility fell squarely on the shoulders of those who were supposed to lead.
The two individuals at the top of this corporate hierarchy both held doctorates and proudly reminded us of that fact at every opportunity. We were explicitly instructed to address them as “Doctor” followed by their last name in all interactions. It was utterly awkward.
They were routinely late for meetings, consistently failed to follow through on commitments, and spoke down to their direct reports in a demeaning and demanding tone. It was embarrassing to watch.
Although qualified up to their eyebrows, their higher education had clearly never made it past the brim of their graduation caps to reach their hearts. They lacked the basic spirit to serve as true leaders.
The Organizational Psychologist
“Why does that person always look so miserable?” This was the question I regularly asked my wife on our neighborhood walks whenever we encountered a young man in his late 20s.
We eventually learned he had graduated a few years earlier with a master’s degree in organizational psychology. He was living back with his parents while figuring out the big existential questions: Who do I want to be? Where do I want to go?
If he were living in my home after burning through all those years and educational dollars, I’d certainly have a few insights to offer on who he needed to be and where he needed to go.
I couldn’t help thinking: How can someone study psychology for six full years and still not master the basic art of making eye contact, smiling, and offering a friendly “Hi”?
We bumped into him recently and he looked especially glum. I asked him what was up. His response? “Not much Paul — I think I’ve come to the conclusion I don’t much like people. I mean you and your wife are nice but no, I think I’m just not a people-person.”
It seems six years of higher education centered around human psychology did very little to build his empathy toward actual human beings and how to get them to work well together in the real-world of work.
The Expert in Emotional Intelligence
Within my professional networking circles, I recently met a woman who introduced herself to me for the second time — only this time, she declared she was an “expert in emotional intelligence.”
Perhaps I’m not memorable enough, but I distinctly recalled meeting her three years earlier when she introduced herself as a Realtor and Reiki healer.
I am all for people pivoting and reinventing themselves. However, I would hope that studying emotional intelligence would yield the basic skill of showing genuine interest in other people.
During our networking event, she feigned interest only when she smelled a potential business lead. If she realized someone couldn’t help her, she lost interest instantly and looked right over their shoulder for someone else to talk to.
My prediction? The next time I see her, she’ll be back to Reiki healing. She simply isn’t cut out for EQ coaching.
It seems that it is indeed true: Wisdom is applied knowledge, whereas knowledge can merely puff us up.
My advice to these credentialed professionals is to read between the lines and apply what they learn to themselves first. You cannot give away what you do not have.
Yes, it seems there is indeed a massive gap between the brain and the heart.
Paul Butler is a Santa Clarita resident and a client partner with Newleaf Training and Development of Valencia (newleaftd.com). For questions or comments, email Butler at [email protected].
