Our two children are now adults — our daughter is 30 and our son is 29. They both flew the nest within a couple of weeks of graduating university, and in truth, we were pleased to see them launch so successfully.
We love them dearly, but although we don’t see or hear from them as much as we’d like, I sense that we are now in their rearview mirror.
I’d like to think that, as they look back on our leadership as parents, they’ll remember their childhood fondly and appreciate the example we set and the care we gave them. But we are, without a doubt, in their rearview mirror now. That makes me deeply proud, yet a little sad. Has our good work been forgotten?
This all stirred me to think about the workplace leaders who are in my rearview mirror: What did I learn from those who supervised me?
John was my manager at my first full-time job, and upon reflection, he taught me attention to detail by his example. Stephen taught me about planning ahead and being prepared. Mr. Booth (whom I was never allowed to call by his first name)
taught me about the importance of accuracy. Mr. Claxton (another leader who refused to let me use his first name) taught me about style. My first female boss, Ann, taught me the importance of remaining calm under pressure.
Vivek taught me the value of inquisitiveness. Jim taught me to challenge the status quo. From Paul, I learned about prioritization. Joe showed me how to solve process problems, and Steve encouraged me to see things differently.
As I look back in the rearview mirror at these 10 people who had the challenge of leading me when I often didn’t want to be supervised, managed, monitored, or controlled, I realize I learned so much from them. It’s easy to criticize, chafe under, or reject those who are trying to bring out the best in us to yield workplace results.
Just as each of our children can likely list aspects of our parenting they perhaps didn’t like, appreciate, or feel they needed at the time, I hope we taught our children well and did all that we could by our example to show them the way they should go.
My wife and I are proud of our children, Brodie and Henry. Our daughter is the director of programs for a mission-based organization that serves young adults who’ve aged out of the foster-care system. Henry works as a senior financial analyst for the BBC — he was in New York for them and is now based in London.
I’d like to think that John, Stephen, Mr. Booth, Mr. Claxton, Ann, Vivek, Jim, Paul, Joe and Steve would be proud of me as a product of their workplace parenting, even though their mentorship is now in my rearview mirror.
How about you? What did you learn from those charged with the oversight of your younger self? If you’re like me, clean off the rearview mirror and look for what you learned rather than what you loathed. Can you list lessons you’re grateful for, even though at the time you perhaps didn’t appreciate their correction or direction?
What is it deep down within our engines that often causes us to look back in ingratitude rather than gratitude? Why do we so often default to what we disliked about our “workplace parents” rather than what we learned and now appreciate?
Feel free to email me what you learned from those who led you in the past or who you’re learning from in the present. What did you resent at the time that you now respect?
In closing, I’ve never reached back out to any of my prior leaders to thank them for how they led me at a time when I didn’t feel like I needed them — if only they subscribed to The Signal from across the pond, they’d be able to read of my gratitude for their efforts to raise this English-Irish-Italian ragamuffin. And that’s a challenging combo right there to try to manage!
Paul Butler is a Santa Clarita resident and a client partner with Newleaf Training and Development of Valencia (newleaftd.com). For questions or comments, email Butler at [email protected].
