Growing up we all sang the many holiday carols in school, church or at home with family. As adults we continue to listen to them. More often than not these great songs get us into the holiday spirit. Holiday songs can take the form of beautiful songs, religious songs, children’s songs and even funny songs.
One song however has always left me scratching my head. The poor person who’s so called true love gave him a present everyday for twelve days must have wished gift cards were available back then especially by day twelve. With the exception of the 5 gold rings what the heck is he going to do with 4 calling birds, 11 pipers piping or 8 maids a milking?
Not wanting to end up in a similar situation with my true love of 36 years I decided to write my own version of the Twelve Days of Christmas, with what I would like to get over these twelve days.
First of all let’s scrap the partridge in the pear tree and replace it with a magnum for my wine cellar. Lets free the birds and let the 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens and the 4 calling birds go and replace them with 2 Napa Cabs , 3 French Burgundies and 4 super Tuscans.  While it would be tough giving up 5 gold rings I would be very happy if they were replaced with 5 first-growth Bordeauxs.
Since we have already let the other birds go let’s do the same with the 6 geese-a-laying and the 7 swans-a-swimming. I would gladly trade them for 6 ports-a-pouring and 7 sommeliers-a-sipping. You can never have too many sommeliers. I like milk a lot but I like wine better so we will trade in our 8 maids-a-milking for 8 chardonnays-a-chilling. While 9 ladies dancing might be interesting I would like to get to 40 years with my true love so how about 9 Zin’s decanting. I know I could not handle even one lord-a-leaping, much less 10, so how about 10 Rhones-a-aging. And finally 11 pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming would be downright annoying. Since by days 11 and 12 we will be getting closer to New Years let me have 11 glasses toasting and 12 corks popping.
In all seriousness I want to wish everyone a happy holiday and big Cheers from The Signal and myself.
My Twelve Days of Christmas
On the _____ of Christmas my true love gave to me…
A Magnum for my wine cellar
2 Napa Cabs
3 French Burgundies
4 Super Tuscans
5 First-Growth Bordeauxs
6 Ports-a-Pouring
7 Sommeliers-a-Sipping
8 Chardonnays-a-Chilling
9 Zins Decanting
10 Rhones-a-Aging
11 Glasses Toasting
12 Corks Popping
Russ Briley is executive vice president, audience development and community affairs for The Signal
