By David Hegg
Every once in a while, a well-known phrase hits me sideways. When this happens, my weirdness emerges, and as I turn the phrase around in my mind, sometimes something useful results. Let me try one out on you.
What if we understood that being “taken for granted” was a compliment? I know this phrase is typically understood in a negative light. Being “taken for granted” usually means we feel invisible, unrecognized for the good we do, and simply seen as a minor part of the machinery in whatever arena we inhabit. But, wait for it, what if being “taken for granted” was an unspoken recognition of positive virtues and accomplishments? What if being left on your own to get the job done was an acknowledgment of superior personal qualities and achievement?
It occurred to me there are many things in my life I take for granted, but in a positive sense. I am deeply dependent on their unheralded reliability, even as they are entirely taken for granted. For example, I take the electricity in my house and the church campus for granted. When I flip the switch, I expect the lights to shine. At home, I take for granted that the water will run hot, cold, or mixed when I engage the faucets and shower. Several times a day, I expect that my car will start, the stoplights will provide safe intersections, and the sun will come up tomorrow. And, most of all, I take for granted that, on those rare nights when my wife and I are both home and unencumbered, we will find time to relax, talk through the day’s happenings, and generally find refuge in one another’s love.
As I delved deeper into the “positive” side of being taken for granted, I emerged with several benefits of being unrecognized, left alone, and trusted as someone who consistently achieved positive results. First, being taken for granted is a recognition of dependability. Being left alone is actually a testament to your trustworthiness and reliability, stemming from character known for virtue and integrity.
Then there is the corresponding reality that being “taken for granted” declares you do not need supervision. You have demonstrated accountability and ingenuity, and therefore can accomplish all that is assigned to you without the need for ongoing performance reviews and supervisory pressure. Wouldn’t it be grand if all our employees, staff and children could be “taken for granted” in this way? I also consider that being “taken for granted” allows you to manage your own time and schedule, and structure your tasks as you think best. And, when it comes down to it, this is a much sought-after, non-financial type of compensation.
On the flip side, consider that someone who can’t be left alone, who must be checked in on and constantly encouraged, motivated, corrected and critiqued, is precisely the kind of person who costs more than they’re worth. Ask any manager and they’ll tell you it is the independent person whose integrity, efficiency and dependability directs them to put more energy into results than recognition that gets the right things done right … and gains promotions and rewards.
Yet, I do hear some of you saying, “But I want to be recognized for the good I do!” I hear you. And I agree that good managers, good parents and, indeed, good people look for ways to express gratitude to those around them. We all long to be recognized and appreciated by those around us, and the best of us make it a point to offer it where appropriate.
The more profound truth is that our desire for recognition is often rooted in selfishness and pride. There resides in us all a desperate longing to be seen as more than average, better than others, even spectacular in some way. I suspect this stems from the “self-esteem” movement of the 1970s and 1980s, when the misguided mantra was trotted out that “recognition precedes accomplishment.” Our educational system hurried to tell children they were extraordinary, outstanding, and exceptional. They foolishly believed this “esteem-building” ideology would energize students’ self-esteem and enable them to accomplish great things. If we extrapolate that moronic ideal, we recognize it as forming the soil from which the weeds of DEI have sprung. In the final analysis, accomplishment always precedes recognition, and in many cases, significant accomplishments still go unrecognized even though we all benefit from them.
While I do believe in encouraging others as often as I can, it is just as true that we should press on to be virtuous, disciplined, hard-working, dependable, trustworthy, kind and courteous, even if the world never notices. And, should we be given a kind word of recognition and appreciation, remember that, like perfume, a little is nice, but you don’t want to drink it.
Local resident David Hegg is senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church. “Ethically Speaking” appears Sundays.
