The Perfect Solution

Gloria Messman of Valencia. Courtesy photo

Attention ladies! I’m very excited about my fool proof plan that will curtail pestering phone calls throughout the day. I have placed my name on the Do Not Call, Do Not Disturb, Buzz Off list.  It’s all for naught.  I personally think it’s a new challenge for all sales people to try and break down my resistance.

I was away for a month of peace and tranquility, no phone ringing, it was wonderful.  I admit it took me awhile getting back to my daily routine.  Paper work was piled high on my dining room table.  I had almost forgotten how to do my banking transactions over the phone, “yes, I’m one of those.”  As I was listening intently there was this continual green light blinking.  This was truly interfering with my concentration on the numbers at hand, so I pressed the blame thing. There was an extremely well spoken, nice woman on the line.  She persisted in telling me I gave her permission to call back at a more convenient time.  Was I now ready to place my order for a complete renovation of my kitchen?

I was dumbstruck, thinking very hard I never, ever told this lady any such thing.  A sudden, strange wave of calmness enveloped me that is the only way to explain my behavior.

I politely told this sweet lady, no thank you because I was marrying my handyman, Lenny.  Their services would not be needed.  I could hear the intake of her breath, she was speechless.  However, when she recovered from the shock – the lady was so happy for me.  Admittedly, I got a little swept up and carried away explaining to her all of the work my new husband was going to do for me.  As a wedding present Lenny was going to gut the whole kitchen and replace every appliance with the newest and finest!  Cost was not a problem, walls were coming down, new bar with granite countertop, stainless steel sink, new flooring, top of the line, the works.  Nothing but the best for the new bride.  “Ain’t love grand!  My brilliance astounds me sometimes, it was so easy.  Such a shameful lie cascading from my lips.

Have mercy please, the endless phone calls were starting to repeat themselves once again.  It was made worse because of the peace and solitude that was achieved while on vacation.

I’m convinced that I snapped and was loaded for bear (My dear father used the term all the time.)  Now I am actually putting it to use, and it’s hard to contain my newly found courage. Giving the nice lady the date of the impending nuptials, I also invited all of the employees in the company.  I told her they could chip in and buy me some solar panels.  Lenny was more than capable of installing them himself.

Now I’m feeling a little guilty.  This is way too easy, having actually discovered a logical answer for all of the sales people across the land who have driven me over the top.

I’m nicer to the callers, I don’t slam down the phone anymore, nor am I rude.  Instead, I now invite all of them for the festivities and fun.  So far most have sent the RSVP, including gifts from various companies arriving daily by UPS.

I have a slight problem, not knowing how long I can keep up this charade.  Sooner or later I shall have to divulge the truth to my real handyman.  The issue being, he is far too young to appreciate the real genius behind my fail-safe scheme.  Oh well, give him a few years and he will get it!



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