Jim de Bree | Solving a Most Peculiar Crime

Jim de Bree
Jim de Bree

For the past several months, we have experienced strange occurrences in our house. Things have mysteriously disappeared and our property has been vandalized.  

Important papers have been shredded. A few weeks ago, my wife lost her credit card only to find to its remnants a few hours later on the floor in our bedroom near her night stand.  

I cast my ballot the day after I received it in the mail, but my wife procrastinated. With all of the shenanigans occurring in our house, I was anxious to have her complete her ballot and submit it before something happened to the ballot materials.  

Last weekend, my wife finally got around to completing her ballot. We disagree on several propositions and on several candidates, so I was careful not to try to influence her vote while she completed her ballot, so I left to run an errand. I see that as the modern equivalent of not campaigning at a polling location. (Doing so also maintains matrimonial bliss.) 

My wife had left her ballot envelope in the other room, so she placed her ballot on the end table next to the sofa while she fetched her ballot. When she returned to the family room, she witnessed a crime being committed. 

Her completed ballot was being shredded right in front of her eyes. Fortunately, only the instruction page was fully shredded. One page was partially damaged, but fortunately it was the page where the judges were listed. Everyone knows that nobody votes for judges anyway. 

Pursuant to Section 18568(e) of the California Elections Code, attempts to destroy a ballot completed by someone else is a criminal act resulting in the corruption of the voting process. This is punishable by imprisonment in the county jail for a period of six months or in the state prison for a period of 16 months to three years.  

Justice has prevailed and the perpetrator is now wearing an orange suit. However, there was insufficient evidence to prosecute his accomplice. 

Franklin the dachshund, the perpetrator of a criminal act in our household, is shown wearing his orange suit while his accomplice, Oliver the long-haired dachshund, looks on. Because both puppies are juveniles, they are under house arrest rather than serving any jail time. 

If you are a registered voter, Franklin and Oliver encourage you to vote even though they won’t get a chance to eat your ballot. 

Jim de Bree is a Valencia resident. He and his wife have found that raising two dachshund puppies can be a full-time endeavor.

The perpetrator and the accomplice.

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