By David Hegg
Today is Mother’s Day, and on behalf of all the loving, praying, and long-suffering mothers in my reading audience, I have decided to speak to those they care about deeply but are struggling to make their lives meaningful.
Part of the joy and misery of my job as a pastor is being with folks in trouble, surrounded by the carnage of poor choices, and facing what appear to be insurmountable obstacles.
It could be relationship problems in their marriages or with kids. Sometimes, it has to do with addictions or criminal activity, both of which have the capacity to take away the freedom of those involved. I also find myself trying to help those in financial freefall and those whose quality of life is eroded through an almost total lack of self-discipline.
All these have this in common: They find themselves in the cul-de-sac of horrible choices. By this, I mean the state you’ll end up in if you travel down the road of making another wrong decision trying to fix the consequences of a previous bad choice. Soon, you will be in that horrible place where no good choices are left. The only options you have are all painful, simply because you have passed the point where one somewhat good choice could have stopped your descent into misery. And now, the only good option you have is painful and humiliating.
It will mean humbling yourself before all those you have let down and hurt deeply. It will mean finally being scared to death at the person you have become. Lastly, it will mean admitting that you are unable to help yourself in any way and are totally dependent on outside help. But few people choose to take this hard first step out of the cul-de-sac.
Take the person who builds a drug habit, for example. As they slide deeper and deeper into dependency, they will often start channeling their energy into getting money from those who care about them to feed their habit.
In the same way, those whose financial mismanagement lands them in colossal debt will often plead with those who love them for a loan to make things right. In marriages, I regularly see spouses who have eroded their relationship through neglect and self-centeredness, reaching out for help just to look good. Seldom do those in the cul-de-sac take personal responsibility for their actions.
As I listen to these folks’ stories, it is heartbreaking. Even more devastating is the realization that their plight is a result of their own choices, and now they may well be past the point of any return to normalcy.
Take the 19-year-old boy who, on a lark, decided to steal from his employer and now faces a stint in prison on a felony conviction. Take the 53-year-old woman whose alcohol-impaired driving was responsible for the car accident that killed one of her passengers. And I could go on and on.
All too often, it feels to me as though lives are like a 2-liter bottle of soda. People shake them up hard, pop the top, and watch the liquid spray out all over the room. Then they hand the bottle to me and say, “Pastor, we’ve come to you to help us get our lives back in the bottle like they used to be, all nice and pretty.”
So, why am I writing this? Because percentages tell us some of you reading this are already walking down the road of bad choices. And others of you are watching someone near you traveling that same road.
In either event, it is time to stop. We all know if we keep doing what we’re doing, we’ll keep getting what we’ve got. Bad choices are never remedied with more bad choices. If you’re heading toward the cul-de-sac, stop now, turn around, and make one good choice today, another tomorrow, and another the day after.
And if you’re already at the place where all the good choices have vanished, admit it, stop playing games with yourself, and plead for help from those in the best place to offer it. Whether it is your place of worship or a trusted friend, or a community clinic, quit rationalizing your eroding life and get some help.
Be willing to do whatever it takes to get back where you can make good choices and make your life mean something once again. Whatever the future holds, make it your goal to stay far away from the cul-de-sac. Life is better on the road leading to a joyful, useful and honorable life.
Local resident David Hegg is senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church. “Ethically Speaking” appears Sundays.
