By David Hegg
When I was young, my father was brilliant. But as I entered junior high, he seemed to lose most of his brilliance. In fact, by my first years of high school, it was apparent that he was entirely out of touch with reality, especially concerning what it took to be successful (read “cool”). I finished high school and then college, and as I spent more time with Dad, now as an aspiring adult, I was shocked at how much he had learned about life, love, and almost every other subject.
I have now completed the same learning journey in my children’s eyes. One of life’s greatest joys is having my adult children come to me and value and put my advice into practice. This has brought me back to those days when I listened to my father as he dispensed equal parts wisdom and love.
My Dad taught me, and I’m sure you’ve heard it, too: “Learn from your mistakes.” Mistakes are the most incredible learning tool ever invented. If you’ve bought into the idea that success demands that we be lifelong learners, you’re lucky because your life and mine will never be short on mistakes. I am; therefore, I err.
But what can we learn in the aftermath of our mistakes and failures? What should we know? The most significant value in failure is that it forces us to recognize and own our deficiencies. We move through life pursuing success and building the facade of ability, and most of the time, we can fool ourselves and those around us. The longer this occurs, the greater the buildup of pride and over-confidence. But, unless we are divine, the pressure of life eventually pushes us beyond our capabilities, the facade bursts, and our failure descends for all to see.
Maybe it was just a lost football game or a failed presentation. Or perhaps it was an emotional outburst against a family member or colleague. Worse yet, maybe it was an ethical lapse or even a series of business mistakes that have now jeopardized your employment. Whatever the situation, large or small, you and I failed, and now the question is: What will we learn?
Nothing is more complicated or healthy in the face of failure than humility. Imagine the worker whose shoddy performance has brought about the termination of employment. She faces her boss and hears the words that will end her time at the company. She has failed. But at this point, as hard as it is, humility is her best option. Suppose she responds in anger, determined to blame the company. In that case, she will walk out of the door and into her following interview carrying the same workplace deficiencies that led to her demise. But suppose she is truly humbled by the fact that she didn’t do well. In that case, she can gain profitable insights from others, correct or eliminate harmful attitudes and actions, and become a better candidate for long-term employment.
The same thing is true in other areas. Sports teams achieve greatness because they watch the previous game’s film and learn from their mistakes. Military commanders in the field learn quickly from today’s mistakes to save their troops’ lives tomorrow. Individuals who honestly admit their culpability have the most significant opportunity to grow stronger and be better positioned for success. Trial and error is a great learning strategy, but only if the error is admitted, owned, studied and corrected. Those who continually refuse to wrap their arms around their mistakes, preferring to blame everyone else for their failure, can expect the opportunity to do it all over again very soon.
The simple truth most dads know and are eager to pass along is this: If you don’t learn from your mistakes, you’ll most certainly grow in your ability to make them. That’s what my Dad taught me, and eventually, I got to the place where he was smart enough to make me believe it.
Local resident David Hegg is senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church. “Ethically Speaking” appears Sundays.
