I speak Clown fluently. Starting at an early age, I was not a class clown, but rather, THE class clown, marching forlornly from kindergarten to the principal’s office. I served time not so much for standing on my desk, pounding my chest and yodeling my best Tarzan yell, but rather getting caught standing on my desk, pounding my chest and yodeling my best Tarzan yell.
Age did not improve me. All the way into college, I was perpetrating practical jokes, unflattering artistic interpretations of the teacher on the chalk board, flatulence calls, calls for flatulence, getting everyone to drop their pencils on the hour and half-hour. I spent my entire junior year staring at a spot 2 inches above my chemistry teacher’s eyebrows whenever we spoke. And poor Mrs. Schnepple in 10th grade. Mrs. Schnepple attempted to teach us Spanish. In some strange alignment of the zodiac, her class not only had me, but also six other bona fide class clowns, each doing their best to once and for all destroy Spanish as a language.
Mrs. Schnepple’s problem? She thought we were funny. She laughed. And she fed the beast.
The beast today? It’s the Democratic Party.
One of the tragedies of being an imbecile is that you do not entirely realize you’re an imbecile. Or maybe a smidge you recognize you are. Confronted, it only makes you want to attack your imagined tormentors.
What has happened to us?
Well. Liberalism, at the top of the list.
It is the very thing it attacks. The party that created the Ku Klux Klan and segregation is feverishly handing out diatribes, using the growingly tedious accusation of “racist” as a be-all retort. Now, blessedly, many of the liberal top leadership are turning to devour their own. Democrats have been accused of not having any ideas, save for haranguing Donald Trump, working-class people, church-goers, whites, straights, males and pretty much anyone on any given day. Progressives do have ideas. The problem is most of them are pretty stupid.
That party spent two years accusing the Trump administration of an elaborate conspiracy to steal the election from Hillary Clinton. Hillary was a failed senator, failed secretary of state, liar and crook. Her only qualification was that she was a woman. You know. Like Charles Manson’s minion, Squeaky Fromme? Hillary used her post as secretary of state to arrange a lucrative deal selling American uranium to Russia. She also created the fictitious dossier that launched a lengthy, expensive and completely bogus investigation on the president. Some leading Democrats, so filled with blind rage and hate, still call for the guy to not just be impeached, but serve prison time and even be executed.
On no grounds.
Some of the same liberals, running for president, want open borders. You know. So that the Russians can send over a few million citizens to interfere with the next election cycle?
Some say the world will end in a scant 12 years. The only way to save the planet is to have everyone in America return to some post-Pleistocene economy of goat herding, without the goats. Their plan? Turn over your lives, your wallets, your homes, your transportation, your brains, your souls to the government.
Which does so many things so well.
The sanest candidate is Joe Biden, who spent 50-plus years building a resume that has absolutely nothing on it, except for sniffing the hair of underaged girls. Bernie Sanders? The guy’s so literally inept, he couldn’t make it as a hippie. Elizabeth Warren? Faked being a Native American to take advantage of minority bonuses while applying for high-end careers — while stepping over the bodies of fellow and deserving women. California’s new senator, Kamala Harris? At least she got to where she is the old-fashioned way.
From Congress to state capitals, all the way to the nearly two dozen Dems running for the Oval Office, they climb atop one another vying to be the most ridiculous, the most profoundly ignorant. Some, like a long list beginning with Rep. Maxine Waters, are just plain vicious. Some are deliberately dishonest. Why? It’s what you do when all you want is power, not public service.
The clown class also make up much of the media, entertainment, education and even the bench. More frightening are the millions who can only grasp a concept if it’s attached to a bumper sticker and is easy to chant and dance to. We feed the beast.
Some 50 years ago, and some may argue the passing time has done nothing to refine me, I was THE class clown. I acted up and created comedy to get some sort of positive attention, to tweak The System’s nose, to get the approval I never had at home.
One autumn day in 1965, I entered Mrs. Schnepple’s Spanish class, not knowing there were another half-dozen adept comedians sharing the room. We tore the place up, along with poor Mrs. Schnepple. A lot of drama. A lot of comedy. So many clowns, no Spanish was learned that year.
It’s 2019. There are so many clowns and honestly, the list is made up mostly of Democrats.
Not much on the subject of America was learned this year.
John Boston is a local writer.