Diversity is the new buzzword in our times. It seems like every group under the sun is catching onto the new fad of “representation” — African Americans and women, Asians and Latinos, the disabled and the gays. We watch from week to week as these various special interests get pandered to with celebratory months in their honor, well-staffed commissions for their issues, and plenty of coverage on CNN.
And yet all my life I wondered: When will angry white men get their day to shine? I’ve watched my whole life seeing so many taken care of. Yet my community has been curiously skipped over.
The eight years of President Barack Obama’s term in office were the high noon of this unjust discrimination. Here we had this vastly impressive fellow, teeming with eloquence, charisma and intellect, leading the nation with careful policy proposals and diplomacy.
I tried my damnedest to take him down, posting furiously on social media every morning, as I slurped my oatmeal.
Things like: “Oh, the emperor thinks he can get by with another executive order. When will patriots of good sense rise and order him back to the coastal elite haven from where he came? Ivy League? More like Bush League Barry!”
Yet nothing worked, he just stayed there, doing his thing, changing history. But then there was you, President Donald Trump. You made me Great Again. I remember it all like it was yesterday, as you came down from that escalator announcing your campaign.
The speech you gave wasn’t like Obama’s. You didn’t need to talk down to us. Instead, you riffed like a beautiful musician, moving from subject to subject, floating like a butterfly, stinging like a bee. You gave me someone to sneer at — the media, the political elite, Wall Street — and someone to look down on — migrants and refugees, young people, Rosie O’Donnell.
Everyone above me in society was corrupt, and everyone below deserved a kick in the teeth. But it was I, sweet little old me, who was your pride and joy. That meant something. It made me feel more moist than a moon pie.
Envy and cruelty were the two delicious slices of bread that delivered the MAGA sandwich, with a Trump steak tucked right in the middle. And it was the tastiest thing I’ve ever had.
In terms of personal responsibility, you asked nothing from me. The problem wasn’t my lack of a work ethic or poor life choices. The reason why I’m 676 pounds, live in my mother’s basement and smell like roaches is because of China and those dastardly illegals taking our jobs! And you were going to use the power of big government to wage a trade war on my behalf.
Even though Republicans usually call those who blame others for their problems “snowflakes,” “wimps,” and “betas,” you gave me a pass. Because I was the right kind of American.
Once in office, under the Trump administration, the victories came fast, the economy boomed. Every day you reminded us, with an excited presidential tweet saying, “Jobs, Jobs, Jobs!” Those liberals who pointed out that you were just continuing Obama’s record of success didn’t know what they were talking about.
Sure, you guys had similar results, namely full employment with a low labor participation rate, but the big difference was you were a Republican. When I saw you on television, fresh from your usual lunch of two Big Macs, two Filets o’ Fish, and a chocolate malted, I felt represented, just like the LGBTQ people do with Lady Gaga. Which made the economy seem a million times better than it did under Barry O.
Then the pandemic came to our shores, and what do you know, the Democrats didn’t miss a chance to go after you. They said crazy things like, “Once you knew China was shutting down its entire country, the coronavirus was clearly a once-in-a-century catastrophe. So why did you accept President Xi’s lie that it wasn’t a big deal and everything was under control? Didn’t Ronald Reagan say, ‘Trust but Verify?’”
Those liberals, quoting Uncle Ronnie like they ever cared about him. There is no end to their sacrilege. Instead of standing by their president, they’d tried to cancel you by pointing out the fact you were fooled by a communist dictator. I don’t blame you, sir. I mean look at Xi, he’s such a nice, friendly-looking guy, the kind you’d sit by a fireplace and share a corn dog with. Anyone would have trusted him.
Of course, even after all of that nonsense, Democrats still had to cheat to beat you in the election. The fraud has never been actually proven, true, but that just means it was so clever, nobody could detect it! The deep state is capable of mighty things.
Think of it like this: How can one trust the government to investigate voter fraud when it’s the government doing the fraud to begin with? That’s like asking a robber to investigate the bank where he stole the loot.
That kind of logic can only make sense to a Democrat.
But now, having failed to “Stop The Steal,” we faced the dastardly presidency of Joe Biden. I’ve been keeping up with an online blog written by “QanonBarbara,” with an email address based in Moscow, that keeps me updated on Sleepy Joe’s latest policies. And they are doozies, like check out the latest:
“Patriots, President Biden is circulating an executive order for mandatory vaccines. He’s ordering hospitals to ask citizens to get it in the arm. And if we say no, then it’s going in our butts. It’s going to be a long four years!”
All in all, I don’t believe this is the end, sir. This country needs your depth of soul, your goodness and grace. Rest up for the fights ahead. Your supporters are standing back and standing by for when you summon us again.
Josh Heath is a Santa Clarita resident. “Democratic Voices” appears Tuesdays, and rotates among local Democrats.
