The Time Ranger | Quicksand, Porn, Psychos & Our First Poet

The Timer Ranger
Time Ranger
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Up and at ’em, you bunk huggers and Saturday morning nap-takers. We’re burning daylight. 

Hop on your horses. There’s an interesting trail ride through Santa Clarita Valley history up ahead. We’ve kidnappers to chase, movie stars to ogle, and crooks to capture. 

Shall we mosey back to a simpler time when we could hear coyotes howl and see the stars twinkle at night? 

WAY, WAY BACK WHEN 

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! — Here’s some extreme trivia for you. Christine Woodard was the valley’s first librarian. On March 1, 1916, Los Angeles County founded its first branch in the SCV. It was located in Ms. Woodard’s ice cream parlor. Sure would be nice if the Historical Society or some long-lost relative of Ms. Woodard had a photograph we could copy to hang in the Newhall Library… 

I AM MY NEIGHBOR’S KEEPER — Back in the late 19th century, delivering the mail had a completely different style. If you happened to be at Lyon Station (near Eternal Valley today) where the post office was in the 1870s, you would naturally pick up any letters, postcards, or packages for you — AND — you were expected to pick up your neighbors’ mail as well. Then, you’d take your mail to your home and leave the rest of it in a box, a large tin can or covered in the hollow of a tree for your neighbors to retrieve. A little trivia — the Saugus Post Office, which is no longer in operation, opened up this week, 115 years ago. 

MARCH 4, 1923  

WAIT. YOU’RE SAYING, ‘I PAY YOU GUYS TO WORK FOR YOU GUYS?’ — We’ve been at odds with L.A. County for decades over this and that. Back on this date, it was pointed out that while we had a local justice of the peace, he paid for his office out of his own pocket out of his $70-a-month salary. The local Masons Club donated office space to hold court. For the first two months of 1923, the good jurist brought in $1,136 in tickets and fines for the county. 

HOOT’S GOING CONDO — Our very own Hoot Gibson released his latest silent flick. The oater was called, “The Loaded Door.” Hoot would later buy what is today the Saugus Speedway and what was for years the big Saugus rodeo grounds. Today, I’m told, Hoot’s holdings will be replaced by condos. 

DESERVING FOR A SADDLE ON OUR WESTERN WALK OF STARS — One of my favorite soul pals from yesteryear was former Signal editor, local forest ranger, cowboy, actor, and our first cowboy poet, Thornton Doelle. He started out writing a column for this paper, then served as editor. On this date, he penned this marvelous poem simply called, “Soledad.” Here it is in its entirety: “Some people think that Soledad Canyon Is a country where everything’s dry, Where there’s nothing but cactus and sage brush, And that men go there only to die. That the old Santa Clara is just a mirage And there’s nothing that’s good there at all That the lot of a man who must stay there Is like Adam was after the fall. But those folks who live in the canyon Have a quite different story to tell — They are prosperous, happy, healthy and free And the thought of it pleases them well. They sleep in the open, under the stars, They honestly toil for their life; Their hearts are in tune with the song of the lark And they care not a whit for society strife.” 

TWO-BIT ACREAGE — I’ve said so often, wouldn’t it be grand if we could bring things in from way-back-when prices to the present-day? Prime lots (50 x 300) in the new Happy Valley tract were selling for $450. You could buy other acreage further outside of town starting at $25. Imagine. Buying yourself some land in Newhall for just 100 quarters… 

MARCH 1, 1926 

SLOWLY FILLING UP FOR DISASTER — With a turn of the spigot, water from the Owens Valley started gushing into the newly built St. Francis Dam. It would take about two years to fill the man-made lake. Of course, most of you saddlepals realize that about as soon as the thing was full, it broke in March 1928, sending a nearly 200-foot wall of water down San Francisquito Canyon to the Pacific Ocean, killing nearly 500 folks and wreaking havoc. 

MARCH 4, 1933 

BEDLESS BUM JONES — Times were tough. Hobo (the politically correct term today is Unhoused Person) George Jones had camped out in the brush north of Saugus. He had made a little wickiup of canvas and was peacefully sleeping inside when two bums barged in. They grabbed George’s rather nice bedroll with him still in it, dumped him without ceremony, and made off with his bed. George was well-liked within the transient community and word was spread about the two suspects. Authorities were confident that hobo justice would soon prevail rather than going through the straight legal system. By the way. My favored term for the homeless is “Outdoorsman.” It can be used in the gender sensitive case, too. 

LOWER EXPECTATION ROBBERY — During the Great Depression, there wasn’t much money floating around. Burglars discovered this first-hand when they broke into the Continental grocery store and emptied the cash registers of $4 — mostly in pennies — and took 15 tins of cigarettes. 

TOOK A WHILE — From the Be Careful What You Wish For Department, a visitor dropped into town and noted: “Newhall seems to be just about the most scraggly-looking town I have ever seen. Why don’t you build sidewalks and fix up the streets?” Nearly a century later, it’s tough to find ground because we’re so cement-rich…  

MARCH 4, 1943  

YOU THINKING IT’S RAINING NOW? — The record-setting rain continued with yet another storm. This one dumped 4.24 inches on Downtown Newhall in just one day. That boosted the season’s total to just under 28 inches. 

I THINK IT’S AGAINST PRESENT-DAY HOAs TO RID YOURSELF OF UNWANTED BARRELS OF EXPLOSIVES — A huge boom startled folks as far away as the San Fernando Valley. It wasn’t an earthquake and no one dropped a bomb (WWII). Seems like crews from Bermite were doing their usual housecleaning chores and taking unwanted ordnance across Soledad Canyon Road to the Santa Clara River. There, they blew up a few tons of explosives. Back then, there was no such organization as Friends of the Santa Clara River… 

YOUR KNIFE WILL BE JOYFULLY USED TO STAB SOMEBODY — Santa Clarita answered the call to help the war effort. The Army asked citizens to donate their knives to help with hand-to-hand combat in the Pacific. Here in the SCV, locals donated 23 Buck, hunting and kitchen knives. 

MARCH 4, 1953  

LOW TAXES, BALANCED BY NOT GETTING MUCH — The SCV had the lowest property tax rate of any area in Los Angeles County. The rate was $4.076 per $100 of assessed valuation. The highest was $8 in Beverly Hills. 

IN-FLATION. OUT-FLATION. WHATEVER IT TAKES. — The entire yearly budget for the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department in the SCV was just $120,000. That’s about a tankful of gas for Capt. Justin Diez’ official souped-up Corvette convertible sheriff’s cruiser. (Just kidding, Justin!) 

MARCH 4, 1963  

HOPE HE’S STILL IN JAIL — Raul Moreno started drinking in Bakersfield, stopping several times along the way to replenish himself with beer. After the accident, Moreno confessed that he never drove under 80. Drunk, he swerved across the center divider of Highway 99 near Castaic, hitting a Rambler station wagon, and killing four, including an unborn child. The victims’ car flipped over, caught fire and the four inside burned to death. Moreno was charged with manslaughter. 

MARCH 4, 1973  

YOU’VE HEARD OF QUICKSAND? — Well. Sand Canyon has something called quick mud and Bill Dodson discovered it the hard way. He was riding his motorcycle in the creek and hit a puddle. Underneath was a treacherous batch of unstable, shifting mud. Dodson’s bike stalled in the middle and he found himself sinking chest-deep in the goop. A friend unsuccessfully tried to pull him to safety and was nearly sucked in himself. The Fire Department was called and Dodson was pulled to safety an hour later. I’ve had a few friends over the years who were horseback riding and suffered the same fate. Fortunately, neither pony nor rider was seriously hurt. Stuck for as long as two hours, but not hurt… 

PORNO VIGILANTE — Way Station owner Stan Bronstrup turned Knights Templar. Seems the publishers of a girlie magazine called “Swing” put up a magazine rack right in front of his San Fernando Road (Main Street today) eatery. The buxom naked women on the cover of the periodical were most offensive to most in town, including Señor Bronstrup. Stan took out a pair of handy bolt cutters (there’s a “…usually used to cut the steak” punchline in there, but we’re going to take the high road and avoid it). With a single snip, he broke through the porno rack and tossed it into the trash. The rest of the valley followed suit with locals throwing the bootleg pornography stands into the dumpsters. Is this just me, but could we use the same vigilantism today on our TVs and cellphones? 

SPEAKING OF PORN — For a short time, the Safeway on Lyons (today, it’s Vallarta) was baking custom X-rated cakes for adults. Noted one punster: “Must be layer cake…” After dozens of complaints, Safeway soon disbanded the porno wing of their bakery department. 

FROM THE ART IMITATES LIFE DEPT. — Slim Jorgenson, owner of the local ambulance company, had a bit part in a “B” movie filmed here. The flick was entitled “The Honey Factor.” Slim played a corpse. 

MARCH 4, 1983  

WONDER WHERE THEY ARE TODAY? — On this date, Frank Knapp donated a treasure trove of ancient Indian artifacts to the SCV Historical Society. Knapp, 82, spent years puttering around his 320-acre ranch in the hills above Castaic. There, he collected rare Tataviam relics. He gave them to the society with the proviso that they would always be displayed. 

THE SHORT LIFE OF A YOUNG PSYCHO — Sheriff’s deputies shot a kidnapping suspect five times in a crowded supermarket on this date. After a high-speed chase, Ricky Lee Ledesma, a young career criminal, pulled into the Alpha Beta (Smart & Final today) parking lot on Lyons, ran into the store, grabbed a woman who was on the wrong aisle at the wrong time and threatened to blow her brains out. The woman fell to the floor and the deputies dropped the Canyon High dropout on the mouthwash aisle faster than fourth-period French. As I recall, the deputy was off-duty and shopping.  

GIVE YOU $500 FOR THE WHOLE SHOOTING MATCH — Owned by our then-Congressman Buck McKeon and his family, Howard & Phil’s Western Wear had a big sale on cowboy boots on this date, 40 years back. An inventory of more than 10,000 pairs went on the block. I shoulda bought a pair for my kid sibling-like substance, Wilbur. Never could get him to stop wearing those square-toed Joe Namath disco numbers…  

• • • 

Once again, I dearly appreciate the company, saddlepals. Looking forward to another trail ride through SCV history with you next weekend, right back here at The Mighty Signal. (You DO have a subscription, don’t you????) Until then, a tip of my 1000X O’Farrell (if I mention it in print, it’s a tax write-off) and a heartfelt vayan con Dios, amigos…! 

Visit johnbostonbooks.com. Like SCV History? Order John Boston’s terribly exciting Volumes I & II on SCV Monsters, Ghouls, Ghosts, Bigfoot & all our local paranormal stories. Great as gifts. Leave a kindly review… 

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