“Kill them with kindness” is the old saying when it comes to dealing with difficult people, but just how many “really” difficult people are out there among us? For the sake of argument I am classifying Joshua Heath’s “Incels” (Feb. 7) in the broader category of “difficult people.” Let’s look at some clinical stats (I got them from Wikipedia under the heading of “Antisocial Personality Disorder).
One percent of humanity has an antisocial personality disorder (often portrayed on four axes: narcissism, psychopathy, Macchiavellianism, sadism). Rapists are a subset of those 1%-ers. These individuals have an abnormally functioning brain that can often be seen via CAT scan or functional megnetic resonance imaging scan. Their input, processing, conclusion and act loops are not closing as with “normal” people. About 0.17% of men are rapists. Most rapists and sexual offenders are multiple offenders and perpetrate other crimes as well. The other 99.83% are not rapists. We’re “normal,” and you can actually turn to “us” for help in case you’re feeling threatened by one of “them.”
But more to Mr. Heath’s call for us to embrace them instead of condemning them.
Mr. Heath, by his own admission, is a devout Catholic, and to the best of my knowledge Catholics believe that God conferred upon humans “Free Will” so that they could choose to accept or reject His love “voluntarily” and not by “divine coercion.” Actually everything, according to “Free Will,” is subject to our own choosing, regardless of the circumstances or the consequences. We, as humans, are faced with many challenges and adversities in life, one of them being the difficulty of “fitting in.” I can personally relate because I had that difficulty while growing up, as did so many of us, but that experience didn’t turn all of us into reclusive psychopaths or sadistic rapists.
No, Mr. Heath, what we are dealing with here is a relatively small group of unfortunate individuals whose nature/nurture formula went very badly. And, what of it? Do you really think we should embrace them? Have YOU embraced them? And did you find that to be the cure for what ails them? Did it indeed heal them? I think it highly unlikely.
Lots of things might work well as theories in one’s head, but it’s a completely different story when it comes to application in the field. I see this as a well-intentioned but otherwise hopeless “solution.”
Some problems can’t be solved, Mr. Heath. They must be endured and suffered. That’s reality.