By David Hegg
As I write this I am thinking back on a flight from Dallas back home to Los Angeles. And, due to the obnoxious fellow sitting beside me, typing was almost impossible. You see, he was an armrest hog. Yes, he was hogging the entire armrest, as well as at least 2 inches of airspace on my side. The nerve! I was outraged and started outlining a column on the evils of forsaking common courtesy in my head.
Oh wait … that just wouldn’t be right. Maybe he was exhausted, had fallen into a deep sleep, and was unaware of his actions. Perhaps he was a genuinely wonderful guy who had never sat in the middle seat and didn’t understand the rules. Or maybe this was simply one of those minor nuisances in life that is better dealt with by being courteous, forgiving and kind.
It could be an opportunity to give up something I may have had every right to hang on to, to serve someone else.
As you read this, we’ve managed to survive the election season. But, having lived through it, we know even more that we live in a society where outrage is our national pastime. Like a bunch of sunburned children, we are ready to squeal, spit, and bite at anything that even looks like it might inconvenience us. As a result, civility is becoming as scarce as a good rain in SoCal.
But civility is so simple. Consider others as more important than yourself. Or, for those in business, treat everyone as well as you treat your best customers, clients, employees, or your boss.
Why are we much more eager to be angry and outraged than courteous, helpful and kind? Are we so filled with selfish pride that everything and everyone around us must cater to our every need and want? Do we think we’re the center of everyone’s universe? Are we just a nation of puny-souled, wobbly-kneed narcissists so addicted to our inflated significance we can’t see the humanity and dignity of those around us?
In what we’ve experienced over the past months of politically oriented ranting, raving and ridiculing, the answer is undoubtedly a resounding “yes!” But just because it is doesn’t mean it should be. Can we agree that when everyone is yelling, no plans are being devised, no problems are being solved, and the result will surely be more inexcusable ranting and raving?
Try this experiment. Count the number of “outrages” you run across one day this week. I mean incidents that demand someone be outraged, like bad drivers, slow service, minutes on hold, etc. Then, count the times you see courtesy in terms of random acts of kindness and plain old neighborliness. Finally, determine what would have improved your life: taking advantage of opportunities for outrage or being helpful, courteous and kind.
We all need to re-calibrate our “response” meter to make it harder to be outraged and easier to be kind. Yes, this will mean suffering indignity at times. It will mean thinking the best in bad situations. And it will mean seeing those around us as part of the “us” rather than the “them.”
But mostly, it will mean turning away and refusing to bite the bait of outrage when we’re inconvenienced, ignored, insulted, or otherwise mistreated. It will mean preferring kindness, civility, and courtesy to the toxic emotion of vengeance. And it will mean an intentional desire to be peacemakers rather than revenge-seeking, anger-filled bullies who believe their violence toward others is justified.
But violence fueled by revenge, anger, and outrage is never justifiable, and neither are the discourteous gestures and actions we see every day.
I understand that, as you read this, you’re either still basking in the good news that your ideology won the election or still feeling like the bad guys stole your freedom. Either way, you’re still here, as are the problems that will demand our unity to solve.
The only answer is for good people to act in good ways and to do so consistently and intentionally. And we must persevere in what we know is right, even when seated next to an armrest hog. Besides, he’s probably a nice guy!
Local resident David Hegg is senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church. “Ethically Speaking” appears Sundays.
