I am a complete knucklehead for attempting to share a physical impersonation in a poorly written text commentary. So. What else is new? One of my all-time favorite movie scenes was from the classic 1965 slapstick comedy, “The Great Race.” For the Democratic audience, no. It’s not about white supremacy. Jack Lemmon plays Professor Fate, an early 20th century cartoonish villain and inventor. The flick is about a car race from New York to Paris. In one scene, Lemmon has outlandishly disguised himself, this time, as a cowboy way out west.
In a crowded saloon, Professor Fate, voice cracking and faux Western, interjects himself into a conversation with the line, “Pah-dun me, Mis-tuh Pahd-nuh …”
To my own annoying self-delight, I’ve been using that for a half-century. Only recently, the comedic stage line has become hauntingly appropriate in describing the behavior of Joe Biden.
Our addled and alleged 46th president, his family and administration have spent the past four years stumbling through Candy Store America, filled with deaf, dumb and blind employees and helping themselves to mouthfuls of Jujubes and sluggoing stolen Dr. Pepper.
Dear Mr. Boston:
Cripes. Would it’ve KILLED you to have plugged Abba-Zaba Bars? Sales are nose-diving.
Best wishes for your continued success,
The Annabelle Candy Co.
Proud Makers of Abba-Zaba
Hayward, CA
Ten thousand apologies, and, to my six or so readers — please serve your family a healthy portion of Abba-Zaba bars for dinner tonight. Nutritious AND delicious!
Where was I? Oh, yes. Joe, the Buffoonosaurus.
Recently, our imperial crime boss pardoned his doofus son, Hunteroids, outshining even Holy Mother Catholic Church in forgiveness dispensations. At least when you’re a Catholic, you’ve got to crawl into the little cloak room inside a cathedral, crumble to your knees and tearfully blurt out, “I just bet the rent and all the family’s Christmas money on the Giants and Patriots to make it to Super Bowl LIX in February!!”
Church and confessional start rocking. Curtain blows in a cyclonic rage. Priest yells, “GET!!!! OUT!!!!”
I’d have to somehow incorporate hinges in today’s opinion piece to list all of Hunter’s transgressions. If I were in charge, the president’s mutt son would be busting rocks with a 50-pound sledgehammer whilst whistling the old scarecrow tune from Wizard of Oz, “If I Only Had A Brain …”
If MY kid behaved in just 0.00001% the fashion as Hunter Biden, I’d back up a couple hundred yards, stand on the running board of a pickup (because I don’t run that fast anymore) and kick said offspring in the heinie until she went sailing, in slow motion, over the goal post. BUT, to save that child? Yup. I’d pardon her. I’d confess to the American people what I’m doing is terribly wrong and I would gladly trade eternal damnation to save her.
The problem for The Imperial Child Hair-Sniffer Himself, Creepy Joe, is that his family and federal government is an unrepentant kleptocracy. One would need not a hardware store, but a Home Depot Western United States Regional Distribution Center For Just Hinges to attach all the illegal, shady, sinful, stinky, corrupt, possibly treasonous acts and just plain wrong things Biden and his Democratic Party have perpetrated.
So my “Pah-dun me, Mis-tuh Pahd-nuh …” question is not an original one. Before Joe leaves office in January, how much more monkey business is the guy and his administration going to pull? I’m sure there’ll be the usual Saran Wrap on the White House toilet seat pranks and programming government computers to not type vowels for the next administration.
But, is the Grumpy Muppet President, or, whoever’s running America because Joe surely ain’t, going to issue volumes of Get Out Of Jail Free pardons not just for his no-good crooked family, toddlers included, but for the thousands of overly paid federal viscounts and permanent bureaucrats?
Our own newly elected California senator, Adam Schiff, is apparently on a list for forgiveness for his brazen and slimy misuse of power and dishonesty in the ongoing Jan. 6 purge. You’ve got a federal This One and a That One from the Department of 3 Initials, a Georgia despicable petrified scat and a New York State/DOJ attic filled with devil bat attorneys. Worse? Just read the other day those two FBI agents, Peter Strzok and Lisa Page. They were paid $2 million because their privacy rights were violated while trying to overthrow the government.
Where do I sign up? Commit treason. Win $2 million. And, a fat pension.
Heavens. Now I need to visit confession. I’d actually consider a job in the new DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency) as a F.G.O. — Federal Guillotine Operator.
More confessions? I’m a terrible person. Why? I’ve entertained the fleeting suspicion — again, this is so wrong of me to think so. But — what if Joe Biden, who only jumps in the helicopter to hit the Delaware beach, traveled all the way to Africa recently to not just offer $1 billion in aid, but actually made the trip to collect yet another roundabout family bribe?
Would that be something if Joe, or, Joe’s puppeteers, pardoned — EVERYBODY? All the bribe takers, the liars, the leakers, the persecutors, down to the simple, everyday annoyers, in Washington and beyond — free pass. Why not make it a bloodline thing? Pardon the federal government public servant’s future ancestors, to infinity?
A great-great grand-nephew in the year 2456 steals a George Jetson atomic pogo stick, gets caught, pulls out a yellowed presidential pardon from December 2024, protected in atomic Scotch tape.
“Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut,” Joe Biden LVXVIII says, “I can steal with impunity, neener-neener-neener, you’re a bottom feeder …”
I’ve a Homeland Security scenario for you.
What if Joe or an Iranian Mullah or the Chinese Communist Party or, yick, Hillary, decides to pardon the 11 million or so illegal aliens who have skipped across the border the past four years?
John Boston has earned more than 100 (119, 118.7 more than Signal Editor Tim Whyte) major journalism awards. Visit his online store and un-woke website, johnlovesamerica.com. Oh. You know what else? Merry Christmas!
