Santa Clarita nuclear holocausts? Yup. A rather tacky “Nuts & Bolts” party? Mmm-hmmm. Outlaws? An entire passel. One of my favorite phrases to annoy my lady friends: “Farmerettes?” Amen boy howdy you betcha. Then, there’s crimes, misdemeanors. Mrs. Meanors. Lust. Vengeance.
It’s all ahead of us this fine Saturday morning as we check our cinches by the plethora of Mighty Signal hitching posts.
Shall we climb aboard our fine steeds and mosey into yesteryear for a laconic walk?
WAY, WAY BACK WHEN
HMMM. WONDER IF HIS NICKNAME WAS ‘GASP!!’ — The first known Caucasian in the Santa Clarita Valley, explorer Don Gaspar de Portola y Rovira, crossed into the SCV on Aug. 8, 1769. He was treated to a major earthquake his first night camping here. Gaspy came from an aristocratic family and was California’s first governor. Earlier, he served in one of the most unusually named conflicts in all of history — The Fantastic War. That’s a hoot of a handle. It’s what Portugal historians call the Spanish-Portuguese War or The 7 Years War. Despite many Spanish causalities, there was never a major battle fought.
RE: THE ABOVE — Nope. Not gonna be on the final …
WHY, CLARE. YOU’RE DOWNRIGHT SAINTLY — A couple of days later, Aug. 10, 1769, a humble padre, Father Juan Crespi, came up with the name for this valley that stuck to this day. While camping out near an Indian village in Castaic, Crespi noted that Aug. 10 was the feast day for Saint Clare. He dubbed the main waterway, Santa Clara.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. YOU’RE A WOMANIZER, TOO … — Happy birthday to Tibby. Famed SCV heartthrob with the ladies, bandito and pistol fighter Tiburcio Vasquez was born on Aug. 11, 1835, in Monterey, California. His house is still standing up there. Tiburcio still holds the record for being the subject of the biggest manhunt in the state’s history. Under his gentlemanly alias, he worked a horse ranch up near Sand Canyon and hid out from posses (I know. I know. The plural of posse looks weird, doesn’t it?) at a now-famous otherworldly rock formation called simply, The Rocks. After Tiburcio was hanged, locals named the geological outcropping Vasquez Rocks after the road agent, who, by the way, was a Leo.
BADGER PASS — Likewise on Aug. 10, 1854, though, Fort Tejon was established north of here to protect the trade routes and cattle drives. Tejon is Spanish for badger and all my time up there I’ve never even heard of a badger frequenting the wilderness up there.
HONEST ABE NEVER TRUSTED THE GUY — On Aug. 8, 1855, Edward Fitzgerald Beale, surveyor-general of California and Nevada, bought a huge chunk of land he had officially surveyed — the Rancho La Liebre tract. The controversial Beale had been passed over as surveyor general of the United States by Abraham Lincoln. President Lincoln didn’t like the man, quipping that the land-hungry entrepreneur “… tended to become master over all he surveyed.”
AUGUST 9, 1925
ANYONE FROM THAT FIRST CLASS WOULD BE AT LEAST 104 TODAY — Here’s a first for you. On this date, 25 parents petitioned the Newhall School District to form the first-ever kindergarten for children 4-6 years old. The request was granted and the first K class would open its doors in a little bungalow on Sept. 14, 1925.
DUNN, DAH-DUNN-DUNN — Gentleman farmer A.M. Dunn stopped by to visit his huge ranch in Castaic. It was a Garden of Eden spread, with cattle, dairy cows, fruits, vegetables and miles of alfalfa. They still grow the grass out alongside the freeway. You may know Mr. Dunn’s spread by its present name: Peter J. Pitchess Detention Center. Some of the guards call the place, “Gladiator School.”
IF A TRAIN & A CEMENT TRUCK COLLIDE, WHO WINS? — In this case, the train. The Owl speedster demolished a big cement truck whose driver didn’t see the engine hurtling down the tracks. It T-boned the big mixer and pushed it a couple hundred yards down the rails. The driver got out dazed and started walking down the tracks. Miraculously, he was unhurt. The truck was headed to dump its load to build the St. Francis Dam.
NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. THERE’S SIDEWALKS, EVERYWHERE — Locals were craving civilization. Several mucky-mucks got together and decided that downtown Newhall needed a sidewalk. Well. At least one …
AUGUST 9, 1935
IF I EVER HAVE ANOTHER DAUGHTER, I’M NAMING HER . . . — Farmerette? Nah. Probably not. BUT, several local gals went down to Pomona to compete in the county fair’s Farmerette Championships. The agrarian Olympics featured such tasks as milking, churning, hat pitching, egg toting, etc. Farmerette? I’m going to yell that out at my pal, Ms. Ida Hoan, and see if she turns around.
THE ‘LEASE’ OF THESE, MY BRETHREN — A little anniversary for my pals over at what we used to call das Farm. The Newhall Land & Farming Co., on this date, ended its decades-long policy of leasing out land and announced they would farm all of their own acreage, using workers paid by the month. I do believe though they’d go back to leasing land to other farmers.
NO LONGER WHAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS — Local sheriff’s deputy A.C. Carter broke down on the stand under fierce questioning. His wife had earlier murdered their young teenage housekeeper because she suspected the pair were having an affair. Mrs. Carter was sent to a mental institution for her recovery. Mr. Carter was fined $1,000 and sentenced to one year in jail for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
OUR LONG-LOST RIP VAN WINKLE MINE — Samuel Tate put 20 men to work at the old Governor Gage (aka, the Red Rover) mine. The Sierra Pelona pit was nicknamed Rip Van Winkle because people would come in, take out a few million bucks in gold and quartz, and then the vein would disappear for years, only to “wake” again.
AUGUST 9, 1945
ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL. NOT THE WEST VIRGINIA WESTERN SWING BAND. THE DRIVER. — How would you like to look in your rear-view mirror and see this: a giant, runaway tanker truck with no driver. The big rig lost its brakes coming down the 5-Mile Grade into Castaic and then the teamster bailed. The truck crashed and caused a huge brush fire in the area. Same day, a big cement truck crashed coming down old 99. The driver fell asleep.
AUGUST 9, 1955
NEVER LIKED THAT LOS ANGELES COUNTY — I’ve mentioned that the seeds to the formation of the city of Santa Clarita were sown as early as the 1920s and began to blossom in the 1950s. Local residents and businessmen were truly angry at L.A. County for coming in and changing everyone’s address. Overnight, the village feel changed. The old Newhall Pharmacy didn’t move an inch, but went from 645 Spruce St. to 24275 San Fernando Road. One local leader summed it up nicely: “First they took away our time-honored Spruce Street and gave us the name of our chief trade competitor, San Fernando. Then they snatch our old numbers that we have been doing business under for many years and hand us big-city numbers that customers must learn all over again. It’s for the birds.”
OK. MAYBE L.A. COUNTY’S NOT SO BAD — What few know is that the county DID contact Santa Clarita about all the changes. The problem was the then-honorary mayor, who just threw all their notices in the trash can without reading them.
MAYBE TEDDY WAS THE LAST VESTIGES OF A PROUD RACE OF SCV CRO-MAGNONS — On this date, 16-year-old Ted Rasveld was hit by a .22-caliber bullet at near point-blank range. The missile bounced off the young hunter’s forehead dead center, broke the skin, raced a couple of inches then exited, leaving just a headache and interesting scar.
AUGUST 9, 1965
AND HEAVENS TO BETSY, I WAS THERE FOR IT! — Here’s a high holy day recalled. The Plaza Theater on Lyons Avenue held its grand opening 60 darn years ago. A bevy of “B” actors attended, including a soon-to-be Sand Canyon resident, George Kennedy. About 500 people crammed into the Lyons Bowl for a buffet party. As I love to test you neophytes: Know what the very first movie to be shown at The Plaza was? “Sons of Katie Elder,” starring (tip your hats please) John Wayne. The Plaza opened the same year that Downtown Newhall’s The American Theater closed. Alas, The Plaza stopped showing flicks in 1999 and became a banquet hall.
THE VERY FIRST LETTER FROM VALENCIA — This first Valencia post office was actually located in the Ranchers’ Supply building in Castaic and was only recognized as a “rural station.” Sorry. Couldn’t tell you who the sender or sendee were.
BUT, TIM’S GOT OTHER QUALITIES — Our Signal man on the street question four decades back was: “Have you ever had a mean boss?” Yup. Tim Whyte. Let him try and deny it in his own column. (:- ).
AUGUST 9, 1975
WONDER IF THEY LIKED THE HOSPTIAL FOOD — Here’s some trivia for you. Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital opened its doors for business finally on Aug. 3, 1975. The very first patient was Mrs. Marie Campbell. She was transferred from the now-abandoned Hillside Hospital in Honby. She arrived by ambulance. Right behind was HMNMH’s second patient, 22-year-old Sam Strickland. Because Sam was in a complicated traction contraption, he had to be transported via a moving van. Both arrived at 8:26 a.m.
SEVEN-POUND DAMIAN — Here’s a record that will stand forever. Damian J. Carnejo II was the first baby to ever be born at Henry Mayo Hospital. He came into the valley at 8:45 p.m. on Monday, Aug. 4, and weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces.
G.I. JANE BEFORE THERE WAS A G.I. JANE — Jane Cooper of Newhall was part of a landmark legal battle. The 19-year-old former Canyon High student enlisted in the Army and was disqualified for making 57 points on her entrance exam. The passing mark was 58. Then Jane learned that men who took the same exact test only needed 30 to pass. A little double standard? Our congressman looked into it and eventually, the tests were changed.
AROUND TOWN, HE’D EARN THE NICKNAME OF ‘SCHINDLER THE SWINDLER’ — Richard Schindler, a local insurance man, duped dozens of locals with a series of scams, including selling portions of what he proclaimed was the world’s richest gold mine with veins exceeding $20 billion and that’s back when $20 billion would actually buy something. The former Washington state truck driver would later serve time in the pokey for his creative financing scams and pyramid schemes. It’s estimated he duped about $12 million from investors, mostly locals. He drew a nine-year sentence and just a $30,000 fine, which, forgive me for my math, means he got to pocket just about all the $12 million. Oddly enough, Richard was arrested in Florida for failure to return a rental car.
EEEEK!!!! — The mood was rather languid at the Santa Clarita Valley Citizens Planning Council until a surprise guest arrived. People shrieked. Some stood on chairs. Other bolted for an exit. The guest? A big, huge, hairy tarantula, who walked right down the middle of the aisle of the Val Verde clubhouse.
AUGUST 9, 1985
ALL THOSE IN FAVOR OF THE DEATH PENALTY FOR THESE SWINDLERS, RAISE YOUR HANDS — Chuck Ryan was an old cowboy actor who logged a lot of miles in the saddle and 33 Westerns under his belt. In a complicated land swindle, he faced losing his Santa Clarita ranch in a complicated Nevada land swindle. Through a series of forgeries and uncaring banks, Ryan’s property was listed for sale by someone who didn’t own it. But Ryan didn’t have any money to fight the huge paper monster and court system.
FRIENDS. ROMANS. COUNTRYMEN. LEND ME YOUR … HIPS? — Henry Mayo Hospital had a strange delivery. A husband and wife picked up a strange box alongside the freeway carrying artificial shoulders and hips. Seems the cargo, valued at $16,000, had been stolen a few weeks earlier from the Kaiser hospital in the San Fernando Valley.
FAKE LIMPER — Bill Long didn’t get any sympathy from Judge Keith Byrum. Long was facing dozens of charges involving cruelty to animals — specifically on the 62 dogs he had in his kennel. Long showed up limping with an arm in a sling and crutch under his arm. Byrum noted he had just witnessed Long, spry as can be, walking around the courthouse for the past two days.
IT’S THE SYNTAX — A local church was sending out flyers about a special service: “dedicated to the cause of achieving justice in the world with a nuclear holocaust.” Boy howdy. Whatever it takes to fill the pews …
COULD IT BE ONE OF THEM SEXUAL INNUENDOS? — We’ve had some questionable attempts to raise money for charity, but this one may be the topper. A local group held a “Nuts & Bolts” party where, for $25, the men bought a bolt and the women bought a nut. The object was to find the other part that fit. “A” and “hem.”
• • •
Doggone it, this was a fun outing this morning, wasn’t it? Thanks for collecting dust with me. I’ll catch up with you compadres and compadre-ettes in seven, and, until then —felices senderos, buenas aventuras y vayan con Dios, amigos!
Local historian and the world’s most prolific satirist/humorist John Boston will be soon launching a new eclectic bookstore and multimedia/commentary website on writing — johnboston-books.com. You can pick up his various local history books on a famous website named after a leggy ancient woman warrior and South American river but can’t, for some strange reason, be mentioned in italics. Look for “Naked Came the Novelist,” his long-awaited sequel to “Naked Came the Novelist” coming this fall.
