Dear Democratic Friend,
Hey Precious. Drat we haven’t chatted in eons. Hope all’s beyond duckiness with you and yours. Hug. Fond smile. Wish you joy, good adventures and happy days at the beach.
You recently offered a most sincere invitation for dogs, Americans, cats and SClaritianites to unite during these pre-Civil War climes. It was a thoughtful call, noting both quarreling political parties should find shared values and start from there to heal. That’d be fine, if it were addressed to you and me and others like us.
We could meet, 72 inches apart, for coffee. Take three sips, solve all problems, then happily wave vaya con Dios. The problem?
The Radical Left.
Years ago, Dr. Muhammad Sa’id Ramadan al-Buti wrote a book, “Jurisprudence in Muhammad’s Biography.” The Kurdish Islamic scholar asked a damning question: Why is there no spot on Earth where Islam isn’t at war with its neighbors? Simple question, answered by the good doctor’s assassination in 2013. Polling shows much of Islam approves of the bloodshed.
Ditto in America, 2020.
Everywhere Democrats rule, cacophony reigns.
Why can’t we meet? FDR’s grandpappy, Warren Delano and newspaper editor Horace Greeley, shared this 19th century quote: “Not all Democrats are horse thieves, but, all horse thieves are Democrats.” As of press time, you’re not a horse thief. Many of your colleagues and most of your leaders are. And that’s with a sincere apology to horse thieves.
Is my side riddled with lice-bites from perverts, crooks, liars and pontificating bozos that would shame a Medici pope? You betcha. Usually, when we catch wickedness in our own, we’re ashamed and angry. We own it. Throw the wretch into the pokey. Your side gets caught in bed with home wreckers, state secrets and stolen horses? Denial. Lies. Distraction. Besides surveillance film and witnesses, there’s a Facebook video with: “Hi! It’s 10:03 a.m., I’m off to rape, loot, pillage and steal a horse from the Way Station freezer at 9th & Main and not leave a tip.” What does your side do?
They deny the horse theft happened. They scream “Racism!!” Mobs of horse thieves gather to burn. Gods of Stupidity are carved on the spot, worshipped, then torched. Then they take over town hall and spend the evening destroying it, blaming their own equine felonies on werewolves. They chant how “The People” need to form a commission to stomp out the imaginary lycanthropes and, let’s spend millions to create another useless government agency to measure, test, regulate, hunt down, kill and register werewolves. Of course, representatives from C.A.W.! (Citizens Against Werewolves!) will have to be hired, with benefits, to fill these high-paying government positions. Stationery ordered. Name tags issued. Our elected leaders with cojones the size of BB neutrons capitulate, grovel and promise to punch Jesus in the stomach. Hard.
Two weeks later, another crisis. Tennis shoe store looting. The elderly beaten. Mom-and-pop minority-owned stores burned. Running across the freeway without a license. Another agency will be formed to raise awareness for the preening members of C.A.M.
Citizens Against Mummies.
I read an astounding article. It claimed that of all history’s major revolutions — American, Iranian, Russian, Cuban, Chinese, Egyptian, French and more — were started by a small percentage of the population. It only took 7% of True Believers, good, bad or ugly, to overthrow a regime. As John Lennon once noted, the only war is the insane vs. the sane.
We’re in B.I.G. Trouble.
Hope you’re armed.
You are the cute and fetching face of the Democratic Party, the one that peeks out between riots to wave a white victimhood flag, calling for sensible compromise, followed by fundraisers to elect more horse thieves to public office.
Meanwhile, our nation is writhing in its own, sweaty, Orwellian nightmare.
We flee in slow motion from your Left’s torch-wielding hordes. Political vampires crave blood and freedom. And more blood. And more freedom. Daily, good people are losing their jobs — literally — for saying aloud we’re all created equal.
I never got the memo. Wasn’t that your guys’ bumper sticker? Equality?
We left Tyranny about six train stops back.
More words are outlawed. Liberal news outlets and social media erase even tepid opinions. Corporate America shame-texts us on how to think. Every nuance is now some mystery trigger. Good people start days picking routes along streets that used to be safe. We board up homes and businesses, clean up trash and fires set by maniacs, bury our heads in Netflix and hide in our homes during curfew, hoping to avoid being bullied and called horse thieves by horse thieves. We’re shamed and ordered to apologize for sins we’ve not committed.
Compromise? Burn just half a building?
Why can’t we sit?
Your side doesn’t listen.
I’ve asked this over the years. It’s become more of a plea than question. “Is it — possible — your behavior hurts good people?”
How do you NOT hear that?
One can’t listen when one is screaming.
The Left is drowning in their own anger, blame, self-righteousness, violence and phantasmagoria. I used to hope their insanity would finally wake a sleeping giant. Has that noble American behemoth grown too fat, too old, too lazy, too addicted to TV, to wake and cry: “Enough is enough?”
See you soon on the battlefield. Love you bunches. I shall aim at that rusty can a yard to your right, hear the satisfying pling, wave too-da-loo and smile with affection.
May you be the last to be eaten when your side turns on you…
John Boston is a local writer.