My recent column, “Why Gen Z should exist no Longer,” was a smashing success. I received many responses from readers explaining why they too agreed that this new batch of young people should be eliminated from the census.
Yet there was much in that piece that I had to leave on the cutting room floor, due to space considerations. Fortunately, I can now include those extra arguments in today’s article.
First, think for a moment on one of the most important movements Generation Z has led so far: #Metoo. Originally started to reduce sexual assault and other forms of misconduct, it has done much to raise awareness about an essential issue.
Yet the Zoomers, as is their wont, have taken the germ of a sound idea and expanded it to a very radical place. More specifically, today’s activists don’t want men to just improve on issues of physical consent. Now we have to be extraordinarily careful about our words.
It’s not enough to be respectful in the bedroom. Conversation is now a hyper-policed space.
One dirty joke can now be considered grounds for losing your job, being ostracized from friends and family, and forced to resort to prostitution in West Hollywood just to survive.
The unfairness in this is quite apparent. Because how can one reasonably avoid sometimes saying the wrong thing? It just happens, it’s a part of life.
It seems the Zoomers now expect us to get “comedic consent.” Meaning, before you tell a joke to a colleague, you gauge their level of comfort with the punchline.
I suspect such an interaction would sound something like this:
“Karen, we’ve been friends for about three weeks. We’ve gone out to get coffee twice. I’m really starting to like you. And I have this joke I wanted to say right now to lighten the mood. It involves my grandmother, a Billy goat and a plunger. Are we at a place in our friendship where I can share this remark?”
But you see, asking for comedic consent just doesn’t come out right. No. 1, it ruins the joke. No. 2, it makes you sound like a Boy Scout with brain damage.
This is the world the Zoomers have wrought.
We must return to the fundamental American principle that comedy is sacred. The whole point of humor is that it is always a violation. That’s what makes it delicious. If you have a long, impressive, well-worded quip, you can’t get consent.
You just have to whip it out and hope for the best.
Second, meditate for a moment on another one of the Zoomers’ important causes: veganism. According to our 22-year-old rulers, there is something inherently unethical about eating meat. Those who refuse to do so, are, in some way or another, our moral betters.
One local female activist distilled this thinking in a recent Facebook post: “What do Greta Thunberg, Colin Kaepernick, Al Gore, Angela Davis, Coretta Scott King, Steve Martin, Benedict Cumberbatch, Glenn Greenwood, Chris Hedges, Russell Brand, Joaquin Phoenix, Caesar Chavez, Dolores Huerta, Ibram X. Kendi, Elliot Page, Cory Booker…all have in common? ALL VEGAN/VEGETARIAN!!! For people, planet and animals.”
You see the thinking there folks? The creatures of the light only eat lettuce. And the rest of us carnivores are therefore lesser.
Of course this budding young communist left out some key people who were also vegans: Adolf Hitler, Ghenghis Khan, Charles Manson. How does she explain those inconvenient facts?
Furthermore you can’t reconcile Gen Z’s veganism with their desire for racial justice. More specifically, how can anyone say they support minorities when they want to take soul food from the Blacks, chimichangas and taquitos from the Hispanics, orange chicken from the Asians, meatballs from the Italians, and Bratwurst from the Germans?
The kids love diversity, yet want to implement a brutal system of tofu supremacy on the dinner plates of families across America.
That kind of logic can only make sense to a Zoomer.
America needs meat. We must resist the plot from the young leftists to upend our country through veganism. It’s quite simple what they are trying to do. If you take away animal protein from the populace, they become woozy and confused, incapable of productive work.
As a result, they become reliant on government handouts to survive. Boom, communism is achieved.
To forestall this dastardly outcome, it is time to add an amendment to the Constitution protecting our God-given right to have dominion over animals and turn them into dinner. I’d suggest language like this:
“A well-fed populace, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right to eat beef cuts shall not be infringed.”
Something must be done to forestall the gains of the Zoomers. They are coming to power fast. If we don’t act, we are going to lose America faster than you can say the word “bussin.”
Joshua Heath is a Santa Clarita resident. “Democratic Voices” appears Tuesdays and rotates among local Democrats.