By David Hegg
My journey with the self-esteem movement began when my children were in elementary school. We would attend their assemblies and witness every student being awarded in some way. This trend extended to the youth soccer league, where every child received a trophy and a stack of certificates praising their greatness. This way of thinking argues that compliments and affirmations of greatness are the keys to success. Its premise? Recognition, adulation and positive reinforcement should precede accomplishment because boosting someone’s self-esteem supposedly makes them powerful, successful winners in life.
The lie of self-esteem-fueled triumph has spawned several idiotic affirmations. For example, “If you can conceive it, you can achieve it,” “If it is to be, it’s up to me,” and the ever-popular “I can accomplish my dreams and create the life I desire.”
Today, this falsehood has permeated our national consciousness. It’s a refrain we hear repeatedly from adults: “I just want my kids to know that if they work hard enough, they can accomplish anything. Nothing is impossible.”
Is it really true that nothing is impossible? The self-esteem ideology conveniently overlooks the countless law school graduates who never pass the bar exam, the Ph.D. candidates whose dissertations are never accepted, the college graduates who never succeed in their desired fields, and the athletes who never make it to the professional ranks, despite all the self-affirmation they receive.
Nothing is impossible? This is hardly something a parent should ever tell their kids. Many things are impossible. It was always an impossibility for me to play in professional basketball or any other sport. It was always an impossibility for me to hold a world record in a track and field event. It was also impossible that I would ever teach university-level mathematics courses. And I could go on and on and on.
First of all, it is a lie that recognition and praise fuel accomplishment. It is simply not reasonable to believe that telling someone they are amazing will enable them to actually accomplish amazing things. The truth we should be shouting is that praise and reward must follow triumph. And frankly, what we praise and reward isn’t the result. Our praise goes out to the man or woman for their brilliance, passion, perseverance and sheer grit that brought about the triumph.
Second, believing in the power of self-esteem-raising mantras makes it seem as though success is something within the reach of all, regardless of ability or effort. The self-esteem movement turns out to have been the sneaky first installment in the much more far-reaching ideology of human equality. That is, everyone is equal, and consequently, every life must enjoy equal outcomes. But, the lie is exposed when, as we have seen, some need to be given priority in order to attain what others have accomplished through merit and perseverance.
The simple fact is that success isn’t a matter of self-talk or well-meaning affirmations. Success comes when the natural gifts and abilities of an individual – both intellectual and physical – are combined with the passion and diligence necessary to enhance, shape and sharpen them to achieve greatness. And even then, some will reach higher levels of accomplishment than others, either because they began with more or they were able to multiply what they had been given by working harder, longer and smarter. And, yes, along the way, affirmation and support from those near them certainly helped keep them chugging along, but without some basic, foundational abilities, self-esteem-based confidence would not have fueled great success.
I maintain that you can’t put in what God left out, but you and I can, through hard work, passion and perseverance, make the most of what he did put in. And, along the way, the caring support and necessary critique of those close to us can help keep us climbing in the right direction.
Finally, to declare and believe that “nothing is impossible” is nonsense. But, to maximize what actually is possible, to set our goals and aspirations high, and fight through rejection no matter how often it seems to be winning, is the model we must follow. Ultimately, success and achievement are not measured by what the world thinks of us. It is measured by how well we have worked to use all we’ve been given to benefit the world around us.
Now, that’s something we should be telling our children.
Local resident David Hegg is senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church. “Ethically Speaking” appears Sundays.
