It’s only been a couple of months, but already we can clearly see the positive impact of the most super-duper honest election of all time.
The good news is spread across several areas of interest: governance, ethics, law, economics, education, science and media.
Media: What a departure from those chaotic, acrimonious, Jim Acosta-filled press briefings. Everything is now running so smoothly there are no tough questions to ask. Still, the media is doing yeomen’s work keeping us safe from the corrupting influence of any and all dangerous conservative ideas, opinions and/or other inconvenient facts, by cancelling tens of thousands of hysterical conspiracy theorists, including: ORANGE MAN BAD himself.
Science: Follow the science! Our watch word! We now have the incontrovertible opinion that overturns millennia of bankrupt patriarchal dogmatism enforced globally: There are at least 72 genders (and counting). Who knew all that stuff about DNA, genes, endocrine, skeletal and musculature systems was just so much propaganda?
Economy: Wow. That all could have changed in such a short time. After strategically shutting America’s businesses, cancelling drilling leases and stopping the oil pipeline, tens of thousands of jobs were expected to be lost, and they were, but thanks to shrewd planning, America lost its energy independence, gas prices have risen and so has inflation. Not to worry, the administration is adding tens of thousands of poor, generally uneducated third-world immigrants to the potential work force in the event jobs return. While this means giving them free benefits and hotel rooms in the meantime, all’s well, it will be paid with higher taxes on: “Big Business,” and “The Rich” (although some unpatriotic car companies are already relocating offshore). The true benefit? Hopefully Greta Thunburg won’t yell at us at the U.N.
Education: Not a lot to speak of right now, as many teachers refuse to reenter their classrooms but don’t refuse to accept their paychecks. On a positive note, the goal of “Unity and anti-racism” has been addressed in schools by adopting the simple dictum that all white people are evil monsters (especially, ORANGE MAN BAD). That and the growing position that children should be allowed to select genital-mutilating “sexual reassignment surgery” without parental knowledge or consent represents a new and unique high in educational evolution. Bravo!
Ethics: We all remember our collective outrage at the thought that ORANGE MAN BAD might make any money off being president (his taxes show he lost millions). What a sigh of relief to know that President Joe Biden and his family are above suspicion when it comes to even the suggestion that they might have traded on his political office. Clearly, there is nothing to hint at any cloudy dealings with Russia, China, the Ukraine, or elsewhere. His and his family’s millions of dollars can all be accounted for by his serving his whole life as a dedicated office holder. To suggest otherwise would warrant cancellation.
Law enforcement: Finally! The truth is out! Law enforcement officers are responsible for rising crime. What a utopian situation we will have when police departments across the country are defunded and people lose their privileged 911 calls. This brave re-imagining of social organization and rights protection will be enhanced by the elimination of private gun ownership. Then only criminals will have guns, will be easily identified and will be directed to social counseling. Also, kudos to the FBI, America’s premier criminal investigation agency, whose director has assured us they didn’t notice any fraudulent voter activity in 2020, has also assured us that Antifia, the people who burned down 7% of the country, was not an organization, “just an idea.” And, lest we forget, the CIA, which has recently identified its dangerous internal weakness of hiring so-called “patriotic Americans,” and is attempting to correct course by hiring a more diverse and politically correct woke population. Thank heavens. The Department of Justice and Supreme Court should also be lionized for their complete absence of interest in any and all forensic vote audits. And, of course a shout-out to the man whose name you can’t mention for funding lawyers to block them in Arizona.
Governance: Biden, Pelosi, Schiff, Waters, Schumer. These names will be remembered by many for their tireless commitment to the enlightened supervision and adroit policy implementation that characterize our beloved leader’s vision. A vision that he adroitly articulates with calm determination, sincerity and wit, enabled to hold his audience enthralled, nay, mesmerized, with the power and eloquence of his expressed communication, reminding us all that we still have the best government money can buy.