Brothers and Sisters,
I write to you with happy news: The business of evil is booming. In modern America today, there is more suffering, despair and conflict than at any time in recent memory. Every day, my demons hard at work in the nation are busily collecting new souls that will endure a lifetime of eternal torment.
The times are so good, I feel inclined to let you in on my secrets, the nature of evil, and just how I’ve managed such an amazing turn of events.
With great skill, I’ve been able to smuggle two very dangerous ideas into your culture, and make them appear like common sense. These notions, taken together, have motivated millions of instances of injustice, both large and small.
First, I taught America self-interest is the great law of life, which motivates every living organism. Great thinkers and statesmen have articulated this vision in varying ways, from Charles Darwin to Friedrich Nietzsche, Ayn Rand and Adolf Hitler.
The effects of such a teaching are always positively delightful. Once a person accepts everything is selfishness, he finally realizes goodness does not exist. Those social justice activists trying to wage a war on poverty? They are not noble, just a bunch of greedy apes trying to steal from the successful.
That pretty 20-year-old batting her eyes at the rich doctor over dinner? She just wants his money and certainly doesn’t deserve anything like real romance.
Life is a power struggle at every moment. Concepts like decency, fair play and democracy are not real, but merely weapons we use to gain influence over one another.
Maximize your own benefit at each possible opportunity. That’s what all the rest of them are doing. Have the courage to be cruel. Or else you’re a sucker.
Under this new order, the goal of a great society is not humanitarian reform, but maximum greed for the individual. We must liberate the rich and the powerful from the tyranny of compassion, and let them reap the fullest possible rewards of their excellence.
Second, I taught all of you to fear your neighbor, on a multitude of bases such as race, religion, disability and political ideology.
Love is too great a risk.
The consequences of this belief can be seen all over America. For example, the public education system continues to be deathly afraid of young Black boys, because of the color of their skin. When these kids misbehave, instead of responding with paternal kindness, the schools clamp down as hard as possible, since that’s the only way to treat bad apples.
They will be suspended, expelled and often placed in the criminal justice system for minor offenses.
The great beauty of this process is that human beings have the tendency to embrace the worst possible stereotypes about themselves. Steal a Black child’s innocence from him, because you think he’s a thug, and he’ll react with such anger at everything, he’ll become one.
In response, the broader society, instead of acknowledging the monstrous thing it has done to one of God’s little ones, ends up patting itself on the back.
You all saw the scoundrel’s true nature from the very beginning. Oh what powers of prediction!
That’s why fear is so wonderful. It bends reality toward darkness with great force, destroying countless people along the way. Until, finally, it becomes indistinguishable from wisdom.
Of course you get the damn activist types who go into the prisons, and try to help these youngsters after we’ve locked them up. By this time they are now fully grown felons covered in tattoos, scarier than your worst nightmare.
The progressives spend day and night working to undo the effects of the past and replace them with kindness. They remind everyone that if we lived in a world where every Black boy was treated like a gift, so many of our prisoners could have ended up differently.
Which is absolutely correct, of course.
Furthermore what applies to individuals also holds true in a broader sense. Whether America turns into heaven on Earth or hell is not set in stone. It depends on how people act in their hearts.
God wants us to love our neighbors. When we do that, our neighbors become lovely. They blossom and brighten and give us reason to keep on cherishing them. A nation operating under such conditions is like paradise.
My job is the opposite. I tell you to be suspicious of one another, to always see the worst, and never give the benefit of the doubt. This makes viciousness the great spirit of everything. Instead of ascending upward toward glory, the whole society falls straight into chaos.
Happily, Americans are listening to me at this moment. With impressive consistency, you obey my two great commandments: Only take care of yourself and fear thy neighbor.
Truly, we’ve accomplished so much together.
Emperor of Hades
Joshua Heath is a Santa Clarita resident. “Democratic Voices” appears Tuesdays and rotates among local Democrats.