Editor’s note: What follows is satire.
Who would have thought? The top journalists from the Fake News networks couldn’t get an interview, but I was somehow granted an interview with Vice President Kamala Harris prior to the Democratis National Convention. The following is a transcript of that interview.
Me: Thank you for sitting down with me, especially since you know I am somewhat conservative.
Kamala: I am willing to sit down with anybody …Sean Hannity, Greg Gutfeld, Laura Ingraham, Mark Levin … bring ’em on.
Me: That’s very open-minded of you, V.P. Harris.
Kamala: You can call me Kamala, which, of course, means “Great One, Daughter of Vishnu” in Hindi.
Me: That would make a great poster. But, let’s get started with our Q and A. First of all, President Donald Trump has recently called you, “Dumb as a rock.” What do you have to say about that?
Kamala: I won’t stoop to his level of insult. Besides, many rocks are beautiful. They can be so colorful. I just love rocks.
Me: OK. This week you advocated not taxing tips on workers who work at tip-supported jobs. Are you aware that President Trump came up with that idea back in June?
Kamala: I actually first thought of no tax on tips when I was working at McDonald’s as a teenager. I said to my fellow workers, “I wish they didn’t tax our tips.” Of course, we didn’t get tips.
Me: President Trump has said he will return the Remain in Mexico policy and finish the border wall if he is re-elected. How would you prevent illegal aliens from crossing our border?
Kamala: First of all, no person is illegal. If they were, they would be arrested and I don’t see the people crossing our border being arrested, so they can’t be illegal. On day one of my administration I will introduce a radical new idea called Remain in Mexico. Asylum seekers will have to remain in Mexico, where they will receive instruction on how to make piñatas. Once they are able to pass a piñata test, they will be welcomed into our country, which is in dire need of piñatas. Next, I will build a beautiful adobe wall along the border. Adobe will ensure cultural sensitivity.
Me: OK. How tall will your wall be?
Kamala: I’m thinking about 4 feet. We don’t want to block the view.
Me: OK. Are most of your ideas original?
Kamala: If they didn’t come out of my mouth they wouldn’t be original. Duh!
Me: OK. If elected, who will be part of your cabinet?
Kamala: Well, I’ve put a great deal of thought into that. I’m thinking of Rashida Tlaib for our ambassador to Israel. And my good friend Ilhan Omar will make a terrific ambassador to the United Nations. I might even have a minor cabinet appointment for an unknown from the Santa Clarita Valley in Southern California, a known Trump hater.
Me: What are the qualifications you require for members of your cabinet?
Kamala: They must be able to lie when necessary and have a distinct lack of conscience.
Me: OK. I think I’ve heard enough. Thank you for a most enlightening conversation.
Kamala: I’m glad you’ve had a chance to see the real me.
Larry Moore
Valencia