Picture this: Minnesota in the fall, where the trees are dressed better than I am on my best day. We went biking, and I looked fabulous! I was basically a moving piece of art — except my masterpiece nearly caused a bike pile-up. Good God, these startle responses! It’s like my reactions to a “jump-scare” horror movie. Why do I even have this? Seriously, I don’t want it anymore! Can I return it? It’s not a habit — it’s more like an unwanted house guest who refuses to leave.
Startling is an involuntary response to a sudden change that works as a provocation. As a yoga and meditation practitioner for many years, you’d think I’d be cured, but alas! When walking alone I look over my shoulders and at times scare myself. Learning that this startle response is a lovely quirk that can be inherited is a real surprise — who knew? It’s like finding out your favorite snack is actually full of sugar.
My son startles easily, too. If my response to bike jump scare is a flight, his is certainly a fight. Knowing this I knock on his bedroom door or door frame if it is open — as should anyone to everyone else for privacy reasons — before entering his room. Most often parents forget and simply barge in. It’s to save myself from getting entangled in a Krav Maga self-defense move technique.
Have you ever heard a golfer yell “Fore”? It’s meant to warn you of a rogue ball heading your way. But to me, it sounds like a personal attack. So, when someone shouted, “On your left!” while I was biking, I thought I was about to be ambushed! Off the bike seat I went, and my husband followed suit like we were part of an acrobatic routine gone wrong.
The unfortunate solo rider was just being courteous when he suddenly found himself in the middle of a comedy show. A simple phrase can trigger a full-blown reaction. Luckily, mine led to an unexpected comedy.
And then there’s the family history — my dad warned me not to turn out like Mom. But guess what? I’m basically her with a few extra gray hairs and an increased tendency to jump at shadows. It’s a family tradition at this point.
Ever find yourself in wakening from deep sleep to find someone peering down at you? Unnerving, right? On one such occasion my dad did it to my mom. Now, my mom’s convinced that Dad is plotting her demise, which is just a tad dramatic. Meanwhile, I’m on the bike path thinking that every “On your left!” is a near-death experience.
This happens. The degree to which each of us experience it varies. Some more than others. When that happens we experience shame. A question that arises for me is, “Why do those of us with anxiety and conditions like borderline personality disorder have this startle response?” I feel annoyed and embarrassed.
Can someone please send a memo to my brain to chill out? Thankfully, Yes! You can start a habituation process to become exposed to unexpected stimuli and begin to be desensitized to the sound (e.g. popping open the Pillsbury Biscuits dough can), knowing it is not a threat to you.
My husband continues over the years to tease me about the unfortunate biker who experienced my over-the-top startle response. We find humor in my personality trait. Truth is I can reduce the occurrences my startle but can’t return this quirk. I am embracing it more and more daily.
It is being human. We each have different baseline levels of how much we startle.
Smita Barua
Castaic
