Editor’s note: Kaytie Holt, Saugus High School choir teacher and daughter of Signal Staff Writer Jim Holt, wrote the following one week after the Nov. 14 shooting at the school.
I can’t believe it’s been a week. It feels like it’s been only hours.
I am very uncomfortable with being called a hero. There are so many staff at my school who have done heroic things. There are staff who made tough choices. I feel that I made no choices. By chance a hurt student wandered into my room and my fight or flight kicked in and I just started doing what we had trained for. I did what I believe anyone would have with the cards I was dealt.
I am still processing. I am still having moments where I freeze and stop in complete silence. I have very poor memory, I have some breakdowns. My breakdowns look like the immediate need to lay down. I can’t thank my friends and family enough — they have been such a rock. Especially my colleagues.
My students are my absolute light. They are keeping me going. They are singing and decorating and laughing. I have since seen the student I aided in my classroom and the choir student who was injured and went to another classroom. They are both doing well and smiling.
Please be patient with me in these upcoming months. I have no idea what they will look like but I know that our school will rebuild. We have amazing students and amazing programs and this is not what we will be remembered for. We are #SaugusStrong.