By David Hegg
There is a plague in our land that the Centers for Disease Control have no way of handling. It is the plague of divisiveness, the attitude responsible for the growing division in our marriages, politics, and personal relationships. We’ve become a nation of oversensitive crybabies who will take our ball and go home over the most minor infraction. We seem poised to jump on anything we can use to undermine our opponents or criticize our friends.
And it’s killing us.
With the elections in the rearview mirror, we’re all hoping the two sides can work together for the benefit of everyone. But first, they will have to figure out how to build a foundation of trust. For that matter, we need to as well. In any relationship, the key to success will be the extent to which we can trust one another and face issues with the determination to work through rather than walk out.
Here are some essential factors to building and maintaining a foundation of trust:
Communication: Someone has rightly said, “Communication breeds trust; lack of communication tends to breed suspicion.” We tend to think the worst when we don’t hear what’s going on. It’s human nature. To remedy this, we have to talk and listen. And then, we have to repeat what we think we’ve heard to ensure communication has happened. Communication isn’t just telling; it is a process by which all parties involved come to the same understanding. To build trust, communicate directly and often, and focus not so much on being understood as on destroying the possibility of being misunderstood.
Integrity: Nothing breaks down trust like deceit and an inconsistent morality. While it may take time to build confidence, it only takes a moment to demolish it. If you can’t keep your word in politics and business, you shouldn’t keep your job, period. It is the lack of trustworthiness that both creates and maintains a level of suspicion in the boardroom and the statehouse. And in marriage, where integrity no longer exists, love dies.
Respect: In every relationship, mistakes will be made, tempers lost, and questions raised. When there is no mutual respect, the darts will start to fly in those moments. However, in relationships that work, respect for one another’s position can be the bond that holds us together while we fall in and out of agreement. Respect is the intentional decision to give someone the benefit of the doubt, to recognize they may be having a bad day or are feeling pressure from other sources we know nothing about. Respect means calling a mental time-out and letting the situation settle before lashing out in a manner that will significantly harm the relationship.
Patience: I have found, over the years, that waiting to respond in a tense situation could have saved me both embarrassment and the hard work of repairing the relationship. When something seems out of joint, three words have come in handy: “Help me understand …” Most conflicts will significantly benefit from an infusion of patience. This is especially true where the differences stem from misunderstandings, third-party gossip, or personal feelings of disrespect. First, seek clarification and mutual understanding. Then, proceed judiciously to repair the breech and move forward beneficially.
Of all the political and relational assets available today, nothing trumps trust. Without it, we’re a nation of cynical individuals fighting to make our way. But with it, we can beat the odds and celebrate some real progress in the coming years.
Local resident David Hegg is senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church. “Ethically Speaking” appears Sundays.
